I am back!!! ... Well kind of.

So, I have been back from the beach trip for a few days now but two things have hindered me from blogging. One being busyness. The other is the fact that my internet at the house has been in and out. Calling the cable company just gets me disconnected after about 20 minutes leaving me frustrated.

Speaking of frustration, I have a new respect and awkward enjoyment of it. Until this past weekend I have not associated the word frustrated with growth. I even assumed the opposite as in: "the plant tried to grow but was frustrated." That is a plant, I am a human. So, it strikes me now that frustration, if handled correctly, can lead to growth. Almost as if I have two choices every time I become frustrated by something: deal with it or don't deal with it. Normally I fly off the handle and let my anger roll as a great disguise and distraction of me not dealing with it. I really liked what a friend said the other day, "Now that I have this knowledge, I am responsible for it because I am no longer naive."

Now to cap off this challenging blog with the 'end-all-be-all'. So many things in this world today are being 'fixed' by methodologies, 10-step programs, being busy, or the other when it is so much easier than that. As John Lennon said perfectly, "All you need is Love." I want to continue to change my heart to truly love other humans as human beings and fully realize that the world doesn't exist for my convenience and pleasure. The issue is that Love can not be explained. It can be felt and it's massive effects can be seen. I do not honestly think I have seen the effects of or felt the truest of true Love. Maybe that comes from a healthy Love of myself that can then be shown and spread. I'll get back to you on this in a few posts. Maybe in 2040.

Birthday days

So, my birthday has been great. I had a great night out with Phillip, Melissa, and Andy. Andy and I had a great talk and time. It is so great to have him back. After that late night, I slept so well. Got up early, went to yoga/Tai-Chi class, renewed my license to a class C and with no stupid "under 21" box, bought a book I have been wanting for a long time, ate at J. Christopher's, researched a charity to give my car to, then the fun began. I went and picked up my friend Blair at her house. She looked stunning. I love her new hair cut.

See?

Then we went to the Olive Garden and got soup, salad, pasta, and a glass of wine. After we leave there, we drive downtown to the Woodruff Arts Center. I was afraid that I forgot to print out a parking pass or something that I needed but we pull up and I say "I already paid for parking". The parking lot attendant, in his black suit with white bow tie, asks "What is your last name sir?" After I tell him, he looks through the list and then says, "Go on in." I felt so 'expected'.

We decided to dress down because she was feeling under the weather and I was feeling like a bum. There were still people more dressed down that we were and that made us both feel better. Getting the tickets from the box office was a breeze and we sit down in our great seats. Far enough back to let the acoustics of the building do it's work and get the sound of all of the instruments to our ears at the same time. They are practicing around individually and it is nearly chaos. The first chair violin walks out and the room goes silent. She engages her violin and this amazing sound comes out and then the chaos all connects and every musician is playing the same note. The conductor walks out and gets a warm and swelling welcome.

I wish I had the mental strength to continue in detail but the first few movements they played were of Beethoven and were also incredible. I could not stop smiling and was on the edge of my seat the entire time. I never knew my ears could hear something so dynamic and beautiful. It was like the highest quality recording ever. So perfect, without fault, deep, rich, filling, soul shaking. I must go back when there is another demonstration of a master because I am in love with goosebumps.

The way back we just rode with the sunroof and all the windows open on the highway. There were a few moments where I felt like I wasn't there but in the future. It was weird but I highly enjoyed spending time with Blair even if it was in silence in a car with the wind dampening everything but our night. Who better to share an experience like this with than a best friend?

In 7 hours I leave for the beach. Enjoy the down time of the blog because it will come back with a vengeance on Tuesday.

internet birthday

So, it is about 45 minutes from my birthday and I am blogging. I love it. The past few days have been intense and awesome. The next will follow suit. Right now I am going to make this short because I have so many things to do including shopping for a new car before I leave for the beach at 7am on Friday. This is me being so happy that I have been blessed with so much energy the past little bit that I can still enjoy all that is going down when so much is going down. The blog will not be touched Friday through Monday and I will try to do one on Thursday night before I leave and one on Monday night filled with pictures of the beach and everything in between.

Read this and then do it: Think about the thing you feel the most passionate about. The thing or person that makes your emotions flow out directly out of your chest and eyes. [Music, Painting, Stargazing, Cuddling, Running, Biking] Close your eyes and experience it. It makes you want to do it right now. Realize the fact that you can be and are loved more than you love this.

Oblivious maybe?

So today was great, as expected. Church went well and the breakfast I provided ended up being more than enough because the other Ben brought muffins. It was actually a good mix of fruit, muffin, and dough nut heaven this morning. The class was also great and I got to get into some conversations with people that I miss seeing on a regular basis. Then I went and got the email address of a new person I met. I was temporarily stunned because I just told her to find me on Facespace (facebook or myspace) and she has neither. So we actually had to exchange email addresses. What did we do before email and cellphones? We survived? Kind of like when you ride in a car with someone and they nearly get into four car wrecks in a twenty minute span. You think to yourself, "How did they survive until today?" Perhaps they always have people riding with them yelling, "WATCH OUT!" It is a wonder.

Then, Ryan got tickets from David to go to a golf tournament called the AT&T Classic. Last year it was the Bellsouth Classic but AT&T bought them out this year. It was awesome. I got a free hat and pin, which I put on the hat.



The skill level represented is just incredible. To hit a 1.7 inch diameter ball weighing only 1.6 ounces 280 yards into a 8 foot square is fascinating to watch. Then, if that weren't enough, every player that I saw had a slightly different swing and approach to the game as a whole. I loved it to say the least.

THEN, I went to small group as I always do. I didn't have to 'lead' which was a weight off my shoulders and we got done early. So we decided to go out to eat. Well, we get there and eat and joke and laugh. I am actually having a great time. We even had some silence which added to the dynamic afternoon in a way I highly enjoyed. Then the waiters come out with a cake to our table and everyone starts singing happy birthday. So, I start singing too. I kind of feel bad because I didn't know who's birthday it was. About 3/4 the way into it, you know, the name part, I look at the cake and realize it is for me. It was such a nice thing for them to do. They had planted a cake and balloons at the place before we went. Gave me a few presents and cards. I like being tired and not observant every now and then.

To cap it all off we watched ferris bueller's day off which got me in the mood for being off this Thursday and Friday. Then I watched a sunset worth living for.

Teach me.

I finally did something today that I have resisted so many times before in the past. It impacted me and I believe it impacted the other person also.

Everyday I hear things over and over that they become what I believe even if I don't know why. I fight this furiously daily in certain areas that I find extremely important. That is one thing I do not understand in people. How they can follow something to the extent of cutting people and experiences out of their lives when, if asked why, they can not explain themselves. If you can't fight them all, fight the most important ones or the fire that is the closest to the gas tank. [The last four sentences might seem cryptic because my thoughts are all over the place.]

One of the things that I hear over and over are the phrases "that is bad", "you are wrong", and "that is incorrect". I have so many examples of this that it is clouding my brain. Hence; blogging. These phrases get pounded in my head every day but are not replaced with what is correct. For example: I 'know' that I have bad posture even though I do not know what good posture looks or feels like. No one has ever told or taught me the correct way to stand/sit/walk.

So, someone said, "you are doing it wrong" to me today. I said, "Alright, then tell me how it is supposed to be done." He froze. He tried to come up with an answer and couldn't. After a few seconds of this awkward standoff I said, "This is what I have found to be the best way and until you give me a better way, this is the way I will do it." Maybe I was a little rough. I have held back in other situations but I couldn't in this one because I had to change the way I was doing what we are doing and I didn't know another way.

This might fit into the "react" or "respond" thought. Maybe, or maybe it is a huge brain leap. Where a person can react to an action, which does not solve anything. Or a person can respond to an action in a way to help the situation. People, myself included, are quick to complain or point out a flaw but are slow to present a way to fix the problem. 90% of the time I react, I am pointing out a flaw in a venting way. 90% of the time I respond I give constructive criticism, give a well thought out plan, or put someone else before me.

So my challenge to myself is to do the opposite of what I hear nearly every day. This is a decision made before the time comes to react with knowledge, which makes my reaction a response. Also, this will lead me to the goal of not just pointing out a flaw but presenting the "most correct" [as correct as I know] or at the least, starting the dialog to the most correct or 'best' way to approach an issue.

I believe the last time I attempted to do this, many people got fed up with me trying to solve issues. They asked why I just couldn't let it go. I do not understand this either. Why go through something just to leave it unsolved for it to happen again. It is like throwing a baseball incorrectly. Every time you get out and throw you are going more damage to your arm and your shoulder will hurt every time. Just 'forgetting' about it and trying to move on doesn't help long term. It makes it feel better because you stop throwing the baseball for a few days. Then that day comes when you have to throw again. Why not fix the style in which you throw? It might be harder and feel weird for a little bit, but I swear it'll hurt less in the long term.

Weak week

So this week has been a little ruff with the shadow of car breaking, relational issues, and work being stressful. But this morning I saw exactly what I needed to see. A five day weather forecast. Friday - Sunny and 74; Saturday - Sunny and 73; Sunday - Sunny and 81; Monday - Sunny and 81; Tuesday - Sunny and 82; This five day forecast is my five day forecast. Not only for weather but also for experience and joy. Today will continue to be busy, hence why I am writing this on my lunch break but it doesn't matter. Being at peace does not mean there is no turmoil in your life. Truly being at peace is being able to be at peace when it the the most trying day of your life and you can maintain perspective. I am thankful for the hard week because it has tuned my perspective slightly better than it was before this week. That five day forecast is perfect leading up to my birthday. Add in: possibly going to the Classic, the season finally of 24, one more night of World of Warcraft, hanging out with a few of my best friends downtown, going to the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra, and going to the beach. That is a week worth living for.
Go to my Flickr page here to see a few pictures from last week. I haven't taken many pictures this week because I am not really in the mindset for it. That will change tonight. Always expect great things because then you might actually see that they happen all the time.

Sensitivity

Have you ever put on a shirt/sock/pant and been pricked by something? Then you try to go find it with your hand and it is no where to be found. So the object almost becomes unwearable because you get pricked and you also can't change the situation so you won't get pricked. That is about how I feel around certain people. They prick me in certain ways and I have tried to let them know in some way to change the situation but it does not change anything. Then when I do open up they like run away and don't speak to me for weeks.

My car is still busted but I love the car I am borrowing now. It drives so much better than mine. I want to keep it and that is making me procrastinate on getting mine fixed. I have not posted pictures in a while but I will soon, I promise. My birthday is a week from today and I am getting pretty much very excited. I will be able to date like a grown up and go anywhere that I'd like to go. Speaking of dating, I am smitten. Every time we have talked so far it has been constant conversation and great conversation at that. We had been on the edge between saying, "Hi" and smiling real big when we meet and hugging for like a week. The other day she was mid conversation with someone and broke off to hug me and then went back. Maybe I am reading too much into it but I am smitten, so who cares? The situation is complicated though and I haven't told her that I am smitten yet. The past two women that I have told my feeling to have taken three steps back from me. I am being vague for a reason but if things change I won't be anymore.

Bleh.

So, today was a weird day. Started with me ordering sweet tea from the drive through. I got to talk to my favourite person at the window and we had a great conversation. Half way to work I take my first sip and it was unsweet. It shocked my entire body so much because of the taste expectation I had that was given the exact opposite. I think I even swerved a bit on the road. I get to work and decide to make my own sweet tea. So I do. Put the tea bag in the cup with hot water and sugar. It was actually quite good.

Began to roll through a big list of little tasks I needed to complete for the day. Lunch comes and I have a great time with Dayna. That has an entire post of great conversations and stories by itself. I can not think of something much better than eating a burrito outside on a beautiful day like today with great conversation with a person like Dayna. Wish I had more time with her but we are in different places in life in many ways. The few that we are in the same place hold us together well though.

Work was uneventful but I was completing things. As the day nears its end, I begin to get excited about going to meet Blair for dinner. We try to go to Smokey Bones and apparently many of the locations near me are gone and it is honestly a big loss for me. I was/am a loyal patron because it hits my taste buds at this interesting angle that I enjoy. We end up going to California Pizza Kitchen. It was good because I knew Blair would enjoy it even though I really don't. I hope she reads my blog but not this post. We ate and made plans for the time she will be in town. Which includes a marathon of "The Office" because she loves it and I want to get into it. Then I will have another thing that I can talk about with 30 million more people. Including: Blair, Jamie, Daron, Mark, Kristi, Phillip, and on and on. Excited am I.

I started my car and begun to drive home in high spirits. As I am waiting at the light to turn onto the highway and go one exit down to my house, my check engine light comes on. I think, "hmm, why did that happen?" The light turns green and I turn left onto the highway... my car begins to fall apart. It felt like the car was misfiring out of sync and then it stalled out. I coasted to the side of the road and tried to restart it. At first, nothing. Then, by revving the engine as I started it I got it. The Red Baron and I limped our way home. She is a trooper. I think, "Autozone does free OBD (On-Board Diagnostic) checks. I'll just drive it there."

I go in and check the location and then run back out to limp her to Autozone. Well now she won't start at all. So I want someone to follow me over in the case she completely dies. On the other hand, I do not want someone to come over and me try to start her and not be able to get anywhere. I debate this for an 45 minutes. Among trying to figure out what the issue is myself and calling a few of my "car-buddies". After making noises over the phone to people and describing how the car feels, we come to a conclusion and that includes it being OK for me to limp it to Autozone.

I call Karen, which is just about the hardest thing I have done in my life. I pulled Karen away from 24 during the height of the season. If I had made the decision earlier she wouldn't have missed and we could have gone to 24 together after dropping off my car. Well, she gets there and I feel bad enough already. I try to start the car because Autozone now closes in 40 minutes. I try and try. The car will not start. Now I feel horrible. I pull her from 24 to drive over to my house to follow me to the Autozone and we don't even go anywhere. We end up sitting on the back of my car in silence. Actually it was the thing I needed most right then because I was about to show my anger more then than I have in years. Lets just say I was frustrated.

So, I start calling around for a way to get to and from work tomorrow. I call a friend to see if he can take me to work in the morning. He was the first one I called by the way. Well, because of a certain situation as of yesterday, he has an extra car on his hands for a bit. I could even come by tonight and drive it for a few days while I got mine fixed. How awesome eh? I tried to tear up because I felt like could. No dice. I could not and can not think him enough though. That one thing fixed so many issues in one swoop. Goodness.

So, my mother gives me a ride over to get the car. I get there and his wife gives me the keys and we talk for a bit. I can't stop hugging her and thanking her because they are incredible. Also, fascinating how they just "happened" to have an extra car. Well then my mother was following me back and she got pulled over by a police officer. My head instantly sunk. My head started racing again. I am pretty much flipping out at this point. I have a hard enough time asking people to help me and then when I do they either end up wasting their time or get pulled over by an officer of the law.

Thankfully she was doing nothing wrong and did not get a ticket.

So, look back; follow the waves: up (drive through), down (unsweet), up (sweet), down (work), up (lunch), down (work), up (dinner), down (smokey bones and car), up (think it isn't a big issue), down (take Karen from 24 only to waste her time), up (calm down and find a car), down (mother and cop), up (no ticket).

Roller coaster, I think not. Being the levy at a beach with tsunamis hitting and retreating, ya that's pretty much to how I feel.

Unexpected

Sometimes things are unexpected. Sometimes it is good and sometimes not so good. Like for instance: As I approach a light that is green and I am going fast I like to watch the crossing signal on the right. Even more so if a giant truck is in front of me and I can not see the street light. If the crossing signal is a "walking guy"/"cross now" signal, then I know that it is a fresh green light and I do not have to worry about it turning on me. If it is flashing the hand, it is normally good but I slow down a little bit because if the hand turns solid the the light turns yellow one second after that; normally. So I was driving home last night and using my "trick" and the hand is flashing. So I slow a small bit but keep truckin'. Then I see someone in the corner of my eye change. It was the light changing to yellow. Time slows down and I look back at the hand it is still flashing. I honestly thought that I was dreaming and that if I got in a wreck I'd just wake up. By this time I have not begun to slow yet and I getting close to the light. Slamming on my brakes and hearing horrible sounds from my car, the kind dying animals make, I come to a stop with the smell of burnt rubber entering my atmosphere. I was and am still in disbelief. What if some person was crossing with the same expectation and the light turned green as the hand was still flashing?

So let me give the person who works for the state and who is also reading this an idea. Make all street lights with just a red and a green light. With the red on top and the green on bottom like normal. Then in the place where the yellow light is now, put an LED strip of white lights. On EVERY light like this, 10 seconds before the light turns red, light the first two rows of LEDs. Then every half second after that, add another row to the amount that is lit. From bottom to top the light builds until it turns red. Then, everyone will know exactly how stale a green is and those horrible yellow lights will be gone forever. will it work, maybe?

The past four days have been incredible and the streak will continue today. Taking Dayna to lunch, Blair for dinner, and then 24. How much better could it get? Maybe a lot but I am more than happy with what I have. I also have amazing pictures from the past few days but my photoshop version at home was not have the red eye tool remover like my version, CS2, at the office does. I will edit them and post them soon so that you can see another small glimpse into who these people are that I talk about.

Time Spent

Sometimes I want to start my own colony. I got that crazy idea from a song but the longer I live, it sounds more and more inviting. Our culture gets my head so cloudy that sometimes I can't see the traffic but I can here it. Then, SPLAT. I either hit someone or someone hits me and the pieces go flying in all directions. Our culture keeps us in a constant medicated state of busyness. Just enough for us to feel needed and not invest in the real need of connection. Going back to a few posts ago when I talked about how time is important, I want to take that thought in a different direction. Time is valuable and it can be a gift. Honestly, I am beginning that think that it might be the most valuable thing a person has in their control. You could decide to die for something or decide to live for something but either way it is a choice to devote that time to a cause or for a reason. So, when a person decides to do anything instead of investing in a person to build a connection, I struggle to understand their reasoning. That is OK though because they are their minutes and they decide what to do with them. The majority of people do not really see it this way and will argue that it is much more complicated but I do not think that it is. Whether subconsciously or consciously, the decision is made. So because this is a resource which has been given to you, in limited resource, to use as you wish; spend it well.

Killer Moth

So, two of my best friends converged in Atlanta Wednesday night. We only had one night and we all had to get up early the next day so we could be up/out too late. Funny how we are so "grown up" already. Well parts of us at least.

There was no where else I'd rather be then right there all night. I want to always be at the location in time and space where there is no where else I'd rather be. I have that control. We all do, don't we? Last night I came and I just got into a daze and stayed there preparing for what is to come. I swear that if I lived my life recovering from the past days instead of preparing for the next, I would not enjoy the thigns I want to because I'd be too tired to do so. Tonight I am hanging out with Brad and Sarah. Not sure what or where yet but don't fret, I will get pictures. Tomorrow I will be going to the Renaissance Festival with Karen and Michelle. I haven't been since 10th grade. No matter how "it" is, we will have fun.

Tangent because I can not wait to tell. I bought tickets to go see the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra the day after my birthday. Oh my goodness it will be incredible. I am seriously shaking from excitement already. Just the thought of the emotions and sounds I will have in two weeks makes me want to.... I couldn't think of how I would express how I feel right now in action. Maybe dancing a jig, or helping homeless, or just having a constant smile on my face. Shouldn't our thoughts already make us do that?

Priority by Proximity

So, last night was a blast. I went and worked out. Blitzed it so that I could have time to shower then meet Ginger at Starbucks. As I was turning left into the Starbucks lot, I see Ginger turning in before me; perfect timing. I had a great time just getting to talk and chill. I got an outstanding video that I think might be the first video linked in the blog.

Ta-da.
Then, as if the afternoon couldn't get any better, I met up with Andrew and two of his friends from high school. We went down to Apres Diem and had a few drinks and just hung out. Then, him and I went back to his house and watched late night TV like we always do and just talked and enjoyed company. So I did not get asleep until 3:30ish but it was well worth it.

This night got me thinking about my priorities and where people fall on them. I feel like this might be one of the few things in my life that has the balance where I'd like it. In the past I have placed the Priority of my friends by their Proximity to me. A thought that seems so low-level, immature, or basic. Being able to think about the future and contemplate how actions now will effect you and your environment later is one of the things that separate us as humans. Sadly we slip back into this line of thought so easily: shooting up for the short time escape and high, sleeping with that person for the short term emotional fulfillment, or lying to build yourself up into a huge shadow of a person. Look beyond that immediate, so called, "gain" to the bigger purpose. Now I have people that are great friends and they are good not only for fun nights but also for mental and emotional sanity. No matter how far away these people are from me in distance, they are still a priority over nearly everything that I encounter in my day to day exploration of this world.

Wha?

Wow. So I just watched last week's episode of 24. It was like the Evander Holyfield vs George Foreman fight. There were a few peaks of excitement where you stand up because you think something is about to go down. Then, nothing. The minutes/rounds just keep ticking by slug after boring slug. This is the championship of TV/boxing for goodness sakes, we expect blood and fouls. Considering all this, tonight's new episode better be like the Muhammad Ali vs Joe Frazier fight + the George Foreman vs Joe Frazier fight. Where there were knockdowns and knock outs just to have people get back up to be knocked out again.

On a completely different note, I felt so ninja today. I have hit smacked bees and flies out of the air before but never flat out caught a fly in mid flight before. Today was that day. A fly was flying around in the office near my desk and I swiped at him a few times and then hit him and my hand was closed. I said out loud, "AH HA! I hit him!" Then, I felt something in my hand and I said, "Oh no way! I caught him!" The co-worker next to me said, "Prove it." So I walked over put my hand on his desk saying, "Watch closely." I slowly opened my hand to see the fly rocket off of my hand like a rocket to the stars. It was awesome and I just stunned at how much of a highlight that was today. It s great to feel like a ninja.

Needs

"We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders." Maya Angelou presents me with yet another issue in this quote that I wrestle with today. Sometimes people hurt, fail expectations, break trust, commit horrible atrocities, or even just toss what standards they have for themselves aside for a small gain. Let me start by saying that I know I have and continue to trespass on friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances. I just lose faith in people because they say one thing and then do another. This is because they feel "comfortable" with me. Makes me want to withdraw from everyone because I get the feeling that 90% of them are doing the same. Waiting for the right time to "relax around me" and show me their true colors.

If you are red, then present yourself as red. Even if red is my least favorite color, we will still be friends and there is so much I can learn from you and about you. Things that deal with your red color and things that don't. Perhaps I will even find out how much beauty red involves. The thing is that when you come to me acting all green all the time. Then one day you tell me you are red, and there is nothing wrong with red itself because we are all individuals, I realize that you have been lying to everyone, to me, and possibly to yourself also. I don't even know "you". I know green and a fake green at that.

So, I want to retreat and back away from all people but then I get smacked in the face by Maya Angelou and I continue to try and build these relationships without reserve. Knowing full well that the majority of the people I come in contact with are not the color that they present. Setting myself up for the fall because one day, I will find another person who presents their true colors from the beginning and we can have a meaningful relationship. Every hurt from falling from another fake color is worth finding the next true relationship in life. Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely.

Obligations & Responsibilities

There is a fine line between an obligation and a responsibility in my mind. To many they seem identical and even dictionary.com uses the word obligation in the definition of responsibility. When obligation is explained and not just defined, to my understanding, it seems more like the person/thing involved is trapped. When responsibility is explained, it seems the tone is more positive and that the person/thing involved has excepted this situation. As if the choice in the obligation was before this moment or not at all and the moment of choice in a responsibility is throughout. Also, that the fulfillment of a responsibility is in a proud manner rather than the obligation being fulfilled with a despite fulled disposition. With all the burdens I have it doesn't compare to what other people have been through or were dealt. So I take on my busy, complicated, "burdened" life as a responsibility. Enjoy it as you complete it, not just in memories after it is finished.

Quality or Quantity

"If you're creative, if you can think independently, if you can articulate passion, if you can override the fear of being wrong then the world needs you more now than ever." Balance is a thing to behold. A thing that nature can so easily obtain that I struggle every day to fail. If only I could fold myself up like a piece of paper and then cut little squares and triangles out. So then I unfold into this perfectly balanced person like a snowflake. I am confident that I have the capability to cut out to add what needs to be in order to be balanced but I am also sure that it will take time. I am also confident in what I know but I know that I know very little. We are all good at math: driving, catching a ball, and recognizing a face. Just when we attach numbers to it that is becomes too inefficient for our brains to understand the logic of it. I think that articulating love is prisoner to the same rules. It is there and can flow so fluidly between people and the universe but then we screw it up by attempting to attach these symbols, words, explanations where there simply can not be any. Are we to afraid of the unexplainable to let it maintain it's power? I think maybe. Quality or Quantity?

Anesthesia and Spidey Fridey

So today was an interesting day. I felt like I was in a time warp all day. Things were getting done but I had no concept of how much time was passing. Sometimes I would look down and think, "it has only been 5 minutes" and others I would look down and think, "wow it has been 2 hours." And by looking down I mean "at the clock." Good thing: I got to leave work at 3pm today. Bad thing: it was to get a needle put in my toe to get an in-grown nail cut. Even though it is not major surgery, I was sweating. I do believe the only two things in the world I am afraid of are: a person in the process of being hurt in front of me where I can not help them and needles. I know that seems like extremes, but I have nightmares about both. Urgh, I get sick thinking about this one nightmare I had that involved both. The "bad guy" in my dream I have never seen before. Or so I think. What am I going to do if I bump into a guy who looks exactly like him? Is my body going to be thrown into a cocktail on chemicals from my brain telling to me run away or go postal on him? Weird thought and tangent like always. Anyways, so I have my toe wrapped up as it is throbbing right now. Patrick says it looks like a peanut. Decide for yourself.
Speaking of Patrick; he, Karen, Kristi, and myself went to the Buckhead Backlot to see Spiderman 3. I am now even more firm in my belief that everything should stay separate from each other. Examples: Plastic cup makers building a car, Singers becoming actors or vice versa, and Movie theaters becoming restaurant. Luckily I only had to experience one of these tonight. Since I am not dead from my car falling apart in the rain or my ears bleeding then it is obvious that food served in a movie theaters is not fit for human consumption. So, my sick stomach and gimp toe are going to bed hoping for a better morning.

SKIP THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT SPIDERMAN 3!

So this movie was interesting. Let me start by saying that I am not a movie critic by any means, which should make my impression all the more shocking and powerful. It was horrid. I began to wonder 10 minutes into the movie if the dialog, camera shots, and editing were all done by a 3rd or 4th grader. It honestly seems like they spent 2 years doing special effects and then edited the movie together in a week saying, "good enough." Every scene change was such a rough cut it was insane. I like to be enveloped by a movie as if I were there and it could really be happening. Things in this movie would be happening then the main character would complete the plot point and they would completely disregard everything else that is "supposedly actually" happening. **SPOILER ALERT** Example: a construction crane is out of control knocking everything over and such. Spiderman swings in, saves the one "important girl" and then everything else stops as they chat for a bit. Apparently as all the other people are dying and building are collapsing, Spiderman stops for a chat. Then it cuts to a different scene without even completing the saving of the crane operator or the dozen other people in danger. **END ALERT** I vote a big "no" for going to see this... like these people.

Up close...

Nearly every time I attend a sporting event, one of the first things I think is, "I hope we are up close." Then comes the other questions: "who else is going?", "who is playing whom?", etc. In the end all that other stuff fades away if I am up close. I get so caught up in the physical mysticism that all else is blurred. Seeing someone throw that far, hit that hard, or react that fast is a thing to behold. The experience is completely changed depending on it you are up close or far away. Almost as if the field is a giant flame and the closer you get the more on fire you feel.
This afternoon, I didn't go workout again. Bad, but good. I got to take some pictures, well actually many pictures, of things up close. I got a rush looking for what to capture next. The type of rush Cortes or Pizarro felt when landing in Central America. As if I was discovering a whole new side of the world. Only a few are up on my Flikr account but I hope you enjoy. Now nearly everything that I see I try to realize that there is a small and a large version of what I see and that either could be more amazing than I can imagine. Here I am with hard decisions to make over the next few days and I can't stop admiring everything that is around me.
Last night was a great time. Baskin Robbins was doing their 31 cents a scoop night and it was also Margaret's b-day. So we went, sang, and ate ice-cream. What more could a girl want? Spider Man 3 comes out in an hour. (I love being on the east coast.) Tomorrow, I will work hard, have a little "Cinco de Mayo" party, then go see Spider Man 3 with a few peoples. Hopefully I will have time to practice dent removal on my car so that I can be prepared to help others with that as well.

Lazy Day

So today I went to work and did that thing. Stayed busy but not "insane stressed busy". Then, as with every Tuesday I was going to go workout with Mark but he texted me and said he had to do it early and without me. Which kind of made me feel better because I really did not want to work out today. So, I got food, came home, and played some World of Warcraft with Graham (Olaris), Ashley (Asule), and John (Stroopus). Graham and Ashley need to move back soon. John and I, need to cross paths more often as well. I meant to get a screen shot of us all killing stuff. Maybe I will ask them to get on tomorrow, just for the screen shot. Ah, here is an old one.

I enjoy getting to talk with them and "accomplish" something even though that something doesn't have any long term effect; I feel like I grow closer to them because we have shared another experience together.
I enjoy hearing other people attempt to explain what is beautiful to them in words. It is so impossible but I still like to hear it because I feel as if I get to see the world through their eyes for a bit. Some people its the wind. Others it is tea in a dimly lit warm room. Still others it is those pictures of things reflecting off of curved surfaces so that the colors stretch and scream for space. Some stir up feeling inside myself but others I have never experienced or even thought of. So hearing them explain it almost implants this memory into my head that I have never experienced that makes me feel happy. Almost like the book The Giver.