Saturday, January 10, 2009


What does the universe have in store for us all? We have these experiences, moments in time with other people. Each not only fun, pleasant, terrifying, or funny but something more. No word truly can explain this memory of something. Something so special that even attempting to clothe it with words seems a detestable action. The memory touches the fringe but hopelessly goes blank on the edge of the true glory then suddenly picks up on the other side.

I close my eyes and without thought these moments flood my endless black world with color. So vivid that I believe I have fallen asleep when I open my eyes in the middle of the night to a completely dark room. "This can't be the real world when that other was so real.

Many of these memories are with many different faces at my side. How am I supposed to handle on going relations with these people? Live life and see how far apart it takes us or how close it brings us? Should I cling to these memories as 'The Giver' does to refresh my mind on what true hurt, joy, color, and hunger is? Is it possible to keep the memory without the characters active in my life?

The struggle is that time must be spent remembering the past to learn, decide, and refresh but also not spend too much time away from the future. One thing that I do know is that at this moment in the here and now, I am amazed.

One blade of grass is enough to amaze me for an age. Our bodies filter out so much or what we see and experience because it is all too much. When what many of us really need and are fighting for is to remove this filter for a short period of time every now and then. Really see and realize how we are surrounded by incredible sights and sounds that are so extraordinarily powerful that we have to filter it to protect ourselves from exploding.

The sun rays are falling down all around people in Japan, China, Laos, Burma, India. Each ray containing trillions or photons. Warming the face and shoulders of some person worrying about their life, family, and friends on their way to lunch. Take another drag of your cigarette sir. Hope that everything turns out for the better with them. I'm thinking about each one as well. And you. You should stop smoking. It won't help anything in the long run and will actually make it worse. As he ties his shoes these photons bounce deep into his pupils which become as wide as the horizon as they draw near. The blackness envelops them and he begins to vividly remember the experiences of his past.

I hope he starts blogging soon.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Full Semi-Circle

Things hardly come full circle. More like a suspension bridge. Your life's character arc continuing with little leap backs often to support you in the growth across the expanse that is circumstance.

How many others have toiled in the night like this? When I look around it seems that it is not many because of the shallow disposition of the world. Though I know that many have before. Now it is just electronic. What causes the difference between the introspective and the world changer?

Pay attention because all that you have worked for could be taken away in an instant. Why can't we change instantly for the better. We seem to do it for the worse through anger, envy, or some other flaw. What about a rewiring of how one thinks to rid them self of the ingrained wound that fails so often and easily?

My stances on things change. As I learn, it would be foolish to not adopt the most correct thought. If we did not, textbooks would still teach that the world is flat. Also, these decisions create a baseline to make assumptions from that facilitate an efficient life. When should I question my stances though? Everyday? (Impossible) Only when I stumble upon new information? (Pure chance) When friends challenge my stance with a better argument and more information? (Trusting in others for my own revitalizing) And I only am searching for what I have not yet found my stance.

Time for me to rewire.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


The discussion around Ying and Yang is one of the most beaten dead horses. I'm still going to write about it. Hopefully in a way new to the ones reading and writing this blog.

My understanding of Ying and Yang can be summed up quite quickly. Comparison is required. If you have read my previous posts about value, then you will have read that I believe that we as humans have no understanding of true value. It is all based off of something else in comparison. This directly relates to my understanding of Ying-Yang. There is no light without dark, no good without bad, etc. Opposing forces basically create the opposite's existence. The extension that I struggle to follow is not only is the opposite force is not only opposing but also within.

For instance if I am pushing against a big block. I put 50kilograms of pressure against it without it moving. Obviously the friction of the block on the ground is strong enough to keep it in place. I push against it and it pushes back. Ying and Yang. I stop pushing and in turn it stops pushing. The opposing force diminishes exactly as the initial force diminishes. Is there a part of the block that wants to move the way I am pushing? Is there a part of me that wants the block to stay put? I'm unsure if this can be applied across the board. Some would argue that it is not meant to be and others would.

Let me talk about one faucet that is referenced often. Yin/Black/Shady/North will play the part of evil. Yang/White/Sunshine/South will play the part of good. What is the consequence on the universe if there is ever a man that does not have any evil in him. The Yin inside could be the temptation but there is no balance within him. Does he then become in balance with the world? The world being Yin and him being Yang? Is the world intrinsically evil? I think/hope not. Maybe the Ying/Yang instead become chance and intention.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Identity Proclaiming

Oft do I see cars with the evidence of bumper stickers past. These faded, half removed, and circles of residue speak to former passions of the driver. Lately I have noticed a trend in a few of the collections of poems read in spare time. If a poet releases a collection early in life, this collection proclaims in a way who the person is or what they stand for at the time. Then later in life the poet releases a new collection that declares a new identity and reject the old.

By no means am I saying that the above progression from one stance to another is bad or incorrect. Growth, change, and progression (hopefully forwards) are important and arguably required. What baffles me is the desire of so many to proclaim their identity. Declaring a view or a state for seemingly no other reason besides the fact that it is what is currently believed.

When this applies to one's own state, view, or belief I can understand in part. That being said, the larger of the parts reasons that these are likely to change and should not be proclaimed so strongly. Speaking to one's understanding or the world, this too seems destined to change. The scientific community has been incorrect about many many things and still have many "unexplainables" left lingering that do not fit into our current theories or understandings of how our universe works.

So for someone to claim that a male and female pair every animal on earth (besides the ones that were too big or mean) lined up and walked onto a big boat to escape a flood is just as outrages as someone explaining the horizon problem by saying that matter just 'moved really fast' (faster than the speed of light) immediately after the big bang. Both seem ludicrous to me and warrant a new oncoming knowledge to come and debunk what I current believe and know.

So why proclaim what I believe or understand so far so strongly? Sadly this proclamation is normally accompanied by a hard heart and a closed mind. Can we not fear, stop clinging to thoughts/beliefs for peace, and be comfortable being unsure of anything? You tell me.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Money: Part 1 - Value

Money is such an interesting topic that it warrants two posts (probably more). The best place to start could be back at the beginning. When people first started making coins. Wait. Let's go back further. The first time someone that something was beautiful, useful, or rare. Now this thing has value. This is where I think all the issues begin because something has gained value from another motive than solely out of necessity. Here enters money.

We use something that is cheap to produce but represents purchasing power instead of always resulting to a true bartering system. Now instead of only coveting items that other people own, we covet the money to buy those items as well. The goal has even shifted. Are we really amassing money for a specific object or just to amass money for "whatever we want"?

No value on an item is totally stable and safe. The value of money of a government can obviously fall. The value of something in the public eye can change or drop. Rarely do these prices come back to actual supply and demand.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


Defining redemption is a difficult task. 1) An act of redeeming or the state of being redeemed. 2) Atonement for guilt. Both eventually get to the same phrase via the word redeem or atonement. This phase is "to make amends" for guilt, a fault, or a shortcoming.

Take the South Korean swimmer Park Tae-hwan. In the Olympics in 2004, he dove into the pool a fraction of a second too early and was disqualified. Fast forward through four years of guilt and intense training. The year is 2008. The location is in Beijing, China. Park stands beside the pool about to begin the Men's 400m Freestyle final. He has already passed multiple tests in order to get to this point but none of that matters now. All that really matters is the next 400 meters.

I could begin writing about the rest of the things I want to discuss to build suspense and eventually end the story in a very cinematic way. Instead, I'll just tell you that he won the gold metal. Ta-da. Even with my horrible ending it is still a great story of redemption.

If a man kills someone, how can he redeem himself? By having remorse, never doing it again, and then saving an innocent person? Does all redemption deal with other people? What if there were only two people left on earth and one kills the other. Is there any thing that the murderer can do to redeem himself?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Writing has often been a therapeutic experience for me. It could be in a journal or in imaginary lines with my finger one word at a time. For me though, there is really two kinds of writing. One being stream of consciousness and the other being tested thought. Most of my writings in my journals in the past has been entirely stream of consciousness where I am working through something as I write.

Then came blogging. All neat with no paper. Searchable (not a word but I like it). Sortable. Editable. I mean, how could anyone with a desire to write resist? Except now there is another variable. Other people can now read what I am thinking. Some people get a rise out of this looming idea. "Someone out 'there' could be reading what I'm writing", they say. Others simply turn off the ability for anyone to see but themselves.

Again I find myself in the middle. The fact that my friends have the ability to read and vet my thoughts is invaluable to me. At the same time, I have thoughts that I have yet to decide anything on and almost need to write them out so I can work through my own thought process.

So I have decided to change my standards for this blog and write stream of consciousness again. This could result in more ignorant thoughts to be presented but I am fine with that because it is a part of my process. Also friends can now read and respond with new thoughts, criticisms, and possible directions without me having to walk through where I am at with them personally. Hopefully this is once again increase the frequency on posts.