Restful; Sleepless

Last night I could not fall asleep. I rolled around in bed and then finally decided t go downstairs to watch TV and lay on the couch. I do this knowing that it means a late night (2am-ish) and a sore back the back day from sleeping on the couch. Also, it means that I will most defiantly eventually fall asleep faster than if I just lay in bed. My plan of sleep was foiled by many great documentaries in a row. One about sharks, one about a WWII corsair squad, one about this fighting style in the Philippines, and one about the 10 most deadly snakes in Africa. I know.. no wonder I couldn't fall asleep.

So, this morning I fight the alarm and play that game of 'how many minutes can I set this back and still get to work on time'. Normally I play it safe-ish and set it back just a few minutes and tell myself that it will feel like a lot more time of sleep. Today was not a normal morning. Friday night I was awake until 4am. Saturday was a full day and then I was awake until 2am. Sunday, last night, I was up past 4am again. This morning was not a normal morning. Upon hearing that tone of my alarm, that I have come to hate and turn with despise when hearing anything the like, I immediately set it back to the maximum amount of time possible. Almost with a half smile on my face as if I am beating the day in a battle by still getting thirty more minutes of sleep.

Ten minutes later I wake up on my own and get in the shower.

No doubt!

My new car is great. I have liked the gas mileage, the iPodness, and other features about my car for the little time I have had it but eventually I will own something more in my sporty style. I figure that having no car payments is kind of sporty in its own way. Also, my car earned a heck whole lot of points a few days ago when I realized something. It is a no nonsense car. If a passenger is not in the passenger seat, then the passenger airbag does not turn on. So I figured that is the seatbelt isn't buckled then the airbag isn't turned on. So I connected the seatbelt. Still stayed off. So then I crawled over into that seat and sat down. It finally switched on. I think my friend Laura was in the seat the other day and it didn't recognize her as an adult. Next time I will get her to hold some bricks so that the airbag will deploy if we get into an incident.

Snowflake, well more so.

We are all very interesting. Each is a unique being that there will never be another exactly alike. Even identical twins with identical DNA have different likes, dislikes, beliefs, and experiences. Like a snowflake that makes choices that makes it different from all the others. At the same time though, there are certain features that we have in ourselves or see in others that we seek out.
The one I am seeking is a genuine care and want for involvement in other people's lives. To help, experience, and share with people in general. Sadly I think I am on the tail end of having this feature myself. I am thinking of 'giving up' and sitting back and not trying at this anymore. I will feel like a large part of my life disappears that will most likely be filled with books, movies, video games, and outdoor activities. Then people who are trying like I used to be will come along eventually, if I'm lucky, and I will return to my feature with a huge smile. Just to that one person though.
If this is my plan of action I assume that others in my position have done the same. So that there are all the 'dormant people' out there just waiting for the spark of someone who cares to respond. Isn't that why I started doing this in the first place. Now I am back to where I was, doing what I have always done. I knew I was doing this for a reason, sometimes I get tired of trusting myself on it though.

My life.

When I think about my life it is remembered by things that have happened. Not by being able to relive moments. Almost as if my memory is of still pictures with an audio track. This is most likely a defense mechanism to keep me from thinking about everything that I want to think about and to forget the things I don't want to remember. Certain things I want to remember and can't though. So now I am attempting new patterns and plans to help me 'turn on' my memory when I know there is something that I want to remember.
That is great and all but a large majority of the things I want to remember are things that are experienced in the moment. If I have to take myself out of it to 'turn on' then what is the point of it anyways? Tricking myself into remembering things when I feel a certain way will be hard but I believe will increase the memory that makes people feel loved. Remembering their name, their favourite singer, their eye color, one thing they said they were having to deal with the last time we talked. These things make a large impact on a person. When we part ways, it is not as if that person stops living while I am not observing them. It is almost like quantum theory. If something isn't being observed then technically, it is everywhere it could possibly be, all at the same time. So when we spend time together again I have no idea where they have been and also just by me observing and bringing back something remembered, it grounds them and creates a past that they and I can hold on to.

Smelling like fish.

Last night I got to spend some more time with one of my best friends. If was great. He drove up to my office. Then, we jumped in my car and headed out. He told me stories about all that is going on in his life. It's great. He has such an excitement that I think I have lost to pessimism which I rationalize by calling it reality. That is a change I am now attempting to make. We talked about all sorts of everything. Except Harry Potter. We stopped at a gas station to pick up food, needle-nose pliers, and minnows. The old lady who owns the store is a classic example of a family owned gas station in the country. We go to the pond and get eaten alive my mosquitoes for three hours. Still talking and also not talking at times. We both needed our time. We pack up, drive back, listen to old classics in the car, drop him off at his truck, and then on the way home I realize how much like fish I smell. Reeking of fish. It is horrible but every time I smell it the memories of the hours before come back again. So it isn't that bad.

Dreams or completely destroying everything

I have had dreams of about anything that is possible. I have been shot and shot someone. I have been able to fly and seen someone else fly. I have broken up relationships and found new ones. But this morning was a particularly fun one. I just got a new car.

Then, I dreamed that someone stole it from me or that I had to give it back for some reason. So I did what anyone would do in this situation; I grew to fifty feet tall and began my rampage of downtown Atlanta. Well I started in Lenox actually and then down to 10th street. Last night was an unusually cold night for a July 16th. I woke up fighting with my, many, covers like Godzilla making the crushing noises of the buildings. For some reason I am pretty sure there were no people in the city at all. Just buildings for me to smash.

hit-list

The hit list of two great days.

• Getting moved around into a position I like more at the office.
• My best bud in the office getting back from China.
• Getting the Molten Cake I 'bought' for him for free from Chili's.
• Watching 'Stranger than Fiction' with a good group of people and having a great time.
• Hearing from Danna!
• Good night of sleep.
• Brunch.
• Cool waitress.
• Meeting with a great man.
• Car!!!
• Winning three or four epic medieval battles. (In a video game of course)
• Swimming with the Shiloh.
  
• Seeing Mark.
• Eating mexi-can with Jess.
• Beers with the new crew.

HOLLA!

Thought Wall

Tuesday and Wednesday seem to be my thought wall. This is where I have to slow down, because life forces me to, and I start to think and realize a lot of stuff. At times this ranges from topics people are not interested in talking about: life, death, love, purpose, and what effects our decisions or observations have on other quantum worlds; possibly even create them. Riveting I know. But I like to wonder about things that I can never figure out. Like, if light doesn't decay because it doesn't experience time, since it is moving at the speed of light, we can use space as like the ultimate computer hard drive by shooting light out and grabbing it back thousands of years later. Or wondering about if there are other quantum worlds, if an early one that broke off on a different path has different laws of physics than ours. Who knows. I don't. But if you are still awake I had a thought that is not down this normal line and I believe could actually make a fun 'normal person whining session'.

In English punctuation, the period '.' is used at the end of a sentence to signal to the reader to pause for a period of time. The little dot or point that marks a period is an interesting choice for the period. Then I start to think about an exclamation point '!' Why is that called an exclamation point and not an exclamation period? Question mark!? What the heck is that?!

Definitions

Last night was the first good night of sleep that I have had in a very long time. It took my brain a few weeks of bad sleep to become fried, and then stayed fried for about two more. Now I am back, yet again, as always. In this occasion, I will coin a new word: "reflectfull". Surprised that it is not already a word? Ya, me too. If a person is full or reflections or reflective thought then, by the current dictionary, he/she is reflective. Reflective like a mirror. I think it should rather be reflectfull. Consider it coined.

About growing up, I think sound hinders us. 'Back in the day', if you will, there were no radios, TVs, iPods, planes, trains, or automobiles and we will existed. I actually think we thrived in our personal maturity. It is almost hard for many of us these days to sit in silence because it is uncomfortable since it is new and unknown. I suddenly find myself calling the sound of nature silence and rarely remember hearing only it. This past Sunday is one of the days that got me on the path back to my mind being structured again. It was a perfect day outside with the clouds blocking the sun every time it got too hot and the sun coming out to dry me after I got out of the pool. It was quiet with the birds and frogs singing and chirping. Just sitting and enjoying time, and also getting a burden off of my shoulders; it was great.

I must go for now but will most definately be back more often with more to say and to spill. Seek silence for a minute.