is hard. Not because I am uninterested. Nearly every time that someone is talking about a subject that I know little/nothing about I am all ears. The major issue for me is when I have made a decision about something and someone questions it.
Let's start by saying that the decision is between right and left. I have chosen left and am in the process of following through with that. Then a friend realizes this and questions it. They begin to talk about simple thoughts that make a case for right. This is where I have trouble listening. I thought about exactly what they are saying when I was making my decision. Sometimes it is even a very obvious argument for right and I am almost insulted that they would think that I would make a decision without considering that argument first. So I am tempted to cut them off and say that I have already thought about that. Then they move onto the next argument that I have already thought about.
I don't cut them off though because of two reasons. First, when approaching an issue I start simple, so I cannot blame them for doing the same. Second, I can not tell you how many times that I have gotten great knowledge out of an unexpected place about an unexpected topic by listening to what seemed otherwise a worthless waste of breath.
This is why I have such a large problem with people considering others not intelligent enough to speak in front of people or cut people off before their thought is finished. Yes statistically the odds of some great nugget of wisdom to come out of a certain situation may be minuscule but because of the infinitely large variable of another human being outside of yourself; it is completely in the realm of possibility. So listen anyways.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Thursdays and People
It would seem that Thursday is the day of the week where I can't take not blogging any longer. I am struggling with a balance. (Surprise right?) A balance between being who I feel like I am and doing what I feel is the most correct logically. In my recent past I do not remember being on the opposite side from logic. I am an introvert. So it is draining at times to be around people. Also, I regain my energy by having my alone time where I can think things out at my own pace without distractions.
Where I am tore is between: continuing to continually reach out to nearly everyone or to only invest my time and energy into people I feel is 'worth' both.
I have many problems with the latter. Namely: assigning who is 'worthy', giving up on people, and going against who I feel I am wired to be. The reason for the first is obvious. The second deals with my past and how I had people who didn't give up on me and that is part of why I am who I am today. The third is a self reflection saying nearly exactly what the second. I feel like I am the way I am because I am wired like this, from my core. I believe that is it a good thing also. I refuse to be 'ruined' by the world and lose this feature. Also, I begin the 'what ifs'. What if that person is like me when I just needed one person to talk to me to completely change where my mind is going. What if that person is just like how I am about to come and I could find a great friend if I give them a chance?
What I am about to become like is not the exact opposite but a balance where I learn to let go of people. Logically this makes more sense and I feel stupid for not being this way currently. Hence why the change is near. At least 80% of the time I spend out with 'friends' is solicited by me. Besides maybe 7 people in my life, I am always the one calling and instigating the time we will attempt to spend time together. Even if they call me their friend, they still don't call me. Even typing this now I become frustrated with myself for not changing this sooner. I am done giving infinite chances to people who show no response. If they show that they have taken a step then I will not hesitate to respond. For some reason it makes complete sense to me that I should not invest my time and energy into someone who doesn't do the same for me.
Where I am tore is between: continuing to continually reach out to nearly everyone or to only invest my time and energy into people I feel is 'worth' both.
I have many problems with the latter. Namely: assigning who is 'worthy', giving up on people, and going against who I feel I am wired to be. The reason for the first is obvious. The second deals with my past and how I had people who didn't give up on me and that is part of why I am who I am today. The third is a self reflection saying nearly exactly what the second. I feel like I am the way I am because I am wired like this, from my core. I believe that is it a good thing also. I refuse to be 'ruined' by the world and lose this feature. Also, I begin the 'what ifs'. What if that person is like me when I just needed one person to talk to me to completely change where my mind is going. What if that person is just like how I am about to come and I could find a great friend if I give them a chance?
What I am about to become like is not the exact opposite but a balance where I learn to let go of people. Logically this makes more sense and I feel stupid for not being this way currently. Hence why the change is near. At least 80% of the time I spend out with 'friends' is solicited by me. Besides maybe 7 people in my life, I am always the one calling and instigating the time we will attempt to spend time together. Even if they call me their friend, they still don't call me. Even typing this now I become frustrated with myself for not changing this sooner. I am done giving infinite chances to people who show no response. If they show that they have taken a step then I will not hesitate to respond. For some reason it makes complete sense to me that I should not invest my time and energy into someone who doesn't do the same for me.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Hope, continued...
The past 24 hours have brought me to find the word 'hope' to be in a very interesting and great place. I think I like it because it is the balancing factor in many other words. But hope is more than just what I went over in my last post.
-Hoping is not waiting. (Read my last post)
-Hoping is not expecting. Almost a humble form of expecting. Expecting in the sense of a sort of entitlement to a returned value.
-Hoping is not warranted. At times, there is no reason to hope than because it is the only thing that can be done.
-Hoping is not wishing. Almost a type of preparation or action is needed.
-Hoping is not waiting. (Read my last post)
-Hoping is not expecting. Almost a humble form of expecting. Expecting in the sense of a sort of entitlement to a returned value.
-Hoping is not warranted. At times, there is no reason to hope than because it is the only thing that can be done.
-Hoping is not wishing. Almost a type of preparation or action is needed.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Hope and wait. Do I mean 'or'?
As of late I have beginning to realize how different hoping and waiting are from each other. If I crash land on an island, what is the first thing I do? I put a message in a bottle hoping that the currents take it to a put where someone can get it and then come get me, of course...(not really) but then what next? Do I sit and wait for that person to come OR do I hope someone finds it and go start building my shelter? I think that so many people send something out there to someone, some job, some lottery, or something else and then wait. They put their life on hold for that one thing to return. I am beginning to feel that unless you are throwing feathers at the wind, then waiting is worthless. What if it never returns or if you miss much more valuable things while you are waiting. In the case of me on the island, what if I die waiting? (Now, to catch all the thoughts that are running in the opposite direction before they become extreme.)
I am not saying that I do not look forward to things. I definitely hope that someone finds the bottle and then ultimately finds me soon after. I even become excited when that thing does return or produces fruit. In the meantime though, I will not sit and wait. There are other things that are to be done.
If you have read my past posts about time and such then this next section will not come of any surprise to you. Since time is relative, to some people is seems slower and to others it seems faster. This even fluctuates throughout your life or even throughout the day. The majority of the days when I am thinking about a lot of things seem to be 48 hours long. Time seems to slow down. This is compounded when I am waiting in anticipation of something. This is where the saying, "slower than Christmas" comes from. To continue with my analogy, not only would I not get anything done, but it would seem longer for me to be rescued. Perhaps I might even go insane, because I have begun to feel this effect when waiting on a girl I liked to call me back. =p
So throw the bottle out and hope for a response. When you get that response, it could be the highlight of your day or week or life. The importance of that moment is not diminished what-so-ever by hoping instead of waiting.
I am not saying that I do not look forward to things. I definitely hope that someone finds the bottle and then ultimately finds me soon after. I even become excited when that thing does return or produces fruit. In the meantime though, I will not sit and wait. There are other things that are to be done.
If you have read my past posts about time and such then this next section will not come of any surprise to you. Since time is relative, to some people is seems slower and to others it seems faster. This even fluctuates throughout your life or even throughout the day. The majority of the days when I am thinking about a lot of things seem to be 48 hours long. Time seems to slow down. This is compounded when I am waiting in anticipation of something. This is where the saying, "slower than Christmas" comes from. To continue with my analogy, not only would I not get anything done, but it would seem longer for me to be rescued. Perhaps I might even go insane, because I have begun to feel this effect when waiting on a girl I liked to call me back. =p
So throw the bottle out and hope for a response. When you get that response, it could be the highlight of your day or week or life. The importance of that moment is not diminished what-so-ever by hoping instead of waiting.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Choo Choo
The thought train has been in full motion the past few days. But before I get into it I want to make an announcement. I will be starting another blog that will be just a 'link dump' for everything that I thought was cool throughout the week. Right now I have 11 links for today's inaugural post. Anyways, hear come the thoughts so prepare for the italics.
The thing that has had me spinning in circles the past few days is something that I been attempting to follow for a long time. Partly because it felt right and partly because somewhere I knew it was something that was very in line with my personal beliefs. I honestly hate very few things. One thing I do hate though is when people use infinites to describe something temporary. One being it is always false. [I love making fun of myself.] Seriously though. I understand that we have to make assumptions to survive in the world. So we decide that things will be constant and live that way. Examples: What goes up must come down, throwing a ball makes it will move in the direction I throw it, and the like. Still you can't say that even the laws of physics will always be the same. Maybe when you throw the ball a huge gust of wind or a bird causes it to go the opposite direction or your location (in outer space) causes you to not come back down. [I know that isn't bending physics but wait for me to get there...] Or it could just be a misunderstanding of the human race to this point. We thought for a very long time that the atom was the smallest particle, annnnd then the electron, annnnd then the hadron, annnd now the quark. Shoot there could even be something smaller now that I just haven't read about yet. Even more so, once you open to the possibilities of quantum physics everything is fair game. Who am I to say, "throwing a ball this way always causes it to go that way."? Technically there could be a another universe which is in quantum parallel with ours that has completely different laws of physics. Including what properties make up life. Maybe I couldn't exist in that universe but if I could, I'd build a ball, and throw it.
All that to make the point that infinites cannot be correct when talking about things in our world. There are too many variables. Especially when you add the infinitely complex variable of people. So when someone says, "this person always did this and could never change, and the police did nothing" I cringe. That is pretty much one of the most incorrect statements I have heard in a very long time. I am sure the police did something because the newscaster wouldn't have heard of it if they haven't. I even believe they showed a police report. I am sure that the person didn't always do that because they were in a crib crapping themselves 24 years ago. Also, everyone can change. So the newscaster is most likely either an idiot or is an extremist trying to polarize people with infinites.
So much more to say but I went to a meeting and completely lost my thoughts. Never let your day determine your mood. Be above and outside of that.
The thing that has had me spinning in circles the past few days is something that I been attempting to follow for a long time. Partly because it felt right and partly because somewhere I knew it was something that was very in line with my personal beliefs. I honestly hate very few things. One thing I do hate though is when people use infinites to describe something temporary. One being it is always false. [I love making fun of myself.] Seriously though. I understand that we have to make assumptions to survive in the world. So we decide that things will be constant and live that way. Examples: What goes up must come down, throwing a ball makes it will move in the direction I throw it, and the like. Still you can't say that even the laws of physics will always be the same. Maybe when you throw the ball a huge gust of wind or a bird causes it to go the opposite direction or your location (in outer space) causes you to not come back down. [I know that isn't bending physics but wait for me to get there...] Or it could just be a misunderstanding of the human race to this point. We thought for a very long time that the atom was the smallest particle, annnnd then the electron, annnnd then the hadron, annnd now the quark. Shoot there could even be something smaller now that I just haven't read about yet. Even more so, once you open to the possibilities of quantum physics everything is fair game. Who am I to say, "throwing a ball this way always causes it to go that way."? Technically there could be a another universe which is in quantum parallel with ours that has completely different laws of physics. Including what properties make up life. Maybe I couldn't exist in that universe but if I could, I'd build a ball, and throw it.
All that to make the point that infinites cannot be correct when talking about things in our world. There are too many variables. Especially when you add the infinitely complex variable of people. So when someone says, "this person always did this and could never change, and the police did nothing" I cringe. That is pretty much one of the most incorrect statements I have heard in a very long time. I am sure the police did something because the newscaster wouldn't have heard of it if they haven't. I even believe they showed a police report. I am sure that the person didn't always do that because they were in a crib crapping themselves 24 years ago. Also, everyone can change. So the newscaster is most likely either an idiot or is an extremist trying to polarize people with infinites.
So much more to say but I went to a meeting and completely lost my thoughts. Never let your day determine your mood. Be above and outside of that.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Half of everything...
It has been half a month since I have been able to write. It has been half a month of worrying. It has been half a month of fun. The last 15 days has really opened my eyes... again. I had a great conversation with my friend Andy which reminds me why we are such great friends. Talking with someone else that can abstract from the world and think about things, makes the world easier to deal with. Don't get me wrong, I have conceded to the fact that I can never know enough or all of it. So the majority of the time I just ride the thought train and enjoy my unpredictable time in this star field of variables.
Then the world throws something that always snaps me back to having to 'deal' with it again. Money is an easy one that it can throw at a moments notice. Some people see it as an enabling incarnation of hard work. Most of them have not ever seen it keep you from eating or surviving. If food, water, shelter were provided to everyone in the world then sure; money would be enabling. Only used on expanding ones lot, frivolous things, things you believe in, in social situations, or anything else that is not necessary to life. Oh what a life.
To go off on a tangent, one of the largest crimes of technology is me not hearing my friend's voice for over a month while talking to them nearly four times a week.
Then the world throws something that always snaps me back to having to 'deal' with it again. Money is an easy one that it can throw at a moments notice. Some people see it as an enabling incarnation of hard work. Most of them have not ever seen it keep you from eating or surviving. If food, water, shelter were provided to everyone in the world then sure; money would be enabling. Only used on expanding ones lot, frivolous things, things you believe in, in social situations, or anything else that is not necessary to life. Oh what a life.
To go off on a tangent, one of the largest crimes of technology is me not hearing my friend's voice for over a month while talking to them nearly four times a week.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Good Morning
Today the house was empty. Waking up in bed and hearing nothing but the soft constant hush of cars passing by on the highway was enough for me to decide that is was worth getting up. Pushing the fact that the day will not stay at a temperate 70ยบ allows me to get dressed without cursing society for forcing me to wear pants. It is not as if I am living in ignorance, but it is nice to have moments of no forethought. Limiting sight to no further than the second you are in is incredible and makes you question everything. I did not get out of bed this morning because I had to come to work... (I am one hour early) but because it was beautiful. The feeling of being tired did not even start to approach me until 1am. Still, I felt completely rested at 7:15am and nearly woke up before the alarm went off. Walking towards the shower, with the lights streaming between the blinds as it fights to break through and gain my attention, I realize that my actions this morning have brought me to a place where I have enough time to think. Instead of rushing, attempting to get somewhere on time, I sit in the shower and remember. Great times, goos times, bad times, and why I am who I am.
This is a new approach. Perhaps the 'best way' isn't to always be out of the moment with sights so far ahead that you know how you will react then, so you should act it now. Maybe instead it is to transform yourself so that your reaction changes to what it will have been after long times of thought and live in the moment.
Jealousy has been a strong emotion in the recorded history of man. From killing one man to launching a thousand ships. Or just jealosy for the 'gods' of Rome or Greece. Well the 'gods' are jealous of us. Our lives here are so beautiful, more so than those of the old 'gods', because it is not infinite. Every moment is more precious because it is fleeting. This moment now is more important than any other before in my life because it could be my last. The 'gods' sit and (supposedly) enjoy the best of the best but after doing everything, one starts to become like an addict or a philosopher, seeking something more.
Enjoy your moments because especially with how hot it is going to get today, this moment could be your most beautiful. (Wow, that sounded morbid. So, I can not end on it.) Enjoy the sights and sounds of the temporary world around you because it is ever changing and one of a kind. (Much better.)
This is a new approach. Perhaps the 'best way' isn't to always be out of the moment with sights so far ahead that you know how you will react then, so you should act it now. Maybe instead it is to transform yourself so that your reaction changes to what it will have been after long times of thought and live in the moment.
Jealousy has been a strong emotion in the recorded history of man. From killing one man to launching a thousand ships. Or just jealosy for the 'gods' of Rome or Greece. Well the 'gods' are jealous of us. Our lives here are so beautiful, more so than those of the old 'gods', because it is not infinite. Every moment is more precious because it is fleeting. This moment now is more important than any other before in my life because it could be my last. The 'gods' sit and (supposedly) enjoy the best of the best but after doing everything, one starts to become like an addict or a philosopher, seeking something more.
Enjoy your moments because especially with how hot it is going to get today, this moment could be your most beautiful. (Wow, that sounded morbid. So, I can not end on it.) Enjoy the sights and sounds of the temporary world around you because it is ever changing and one of a kind. (Much better.)
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