Tick Tock

Today I am wondering what makes me tick. Is it repetition, conditioning, or something else? [20 minutes pass] Just now I have determined yet again that it is the small things in the day that cause me to get up and do it again. [10 minutes later] I just wrote an entire post and deleted it because I believe that I have written about it before.

How many times have I needed to reiterate ideas, thoughts, convictions, purpose, and conclusions to myself? Many times over and over. Is this a doubt in and of myself? Is it a healthy cycle of questioning the correct items? Perhaps, the growth cycle seems large but is slow moving forward. Is it that the thought doesn't sink into my subconscious and is forgotten?

Time for me to get over myself. I have a feeling that about 80,000 people are probably dead in China from the earthquake. I have a feeling that 100,000 people are dead or are going to die in Myanmar (Burma) but that the military junta is hiding it. Even more unknown number in Darfur are suffering daily. How small and also how large each life is valued.

"A single death is a tragedy, are million deaths is a statistic." - Stalin
I'd like to rewrite this now, "A single death is a tragedy, are million deaths is a atrocity." I say "atrocity" because many times the million can be avoided and limited. So much death that happens day to day could be avoided. What am I doing?
First, I am trying to share my ideas and values because movements start with beliefs on a subject.

Give money for Myanmar.

Both Oxfam and Triangle Generation Humanitaire (TGH) are doing great things all over. Personally, I believe these two NGOs are making the largest impact of the Darfur situation and in the refugee camps in Chad. Water is still the biggest need.

Go to Oxfam's volunteer page.

Live healthy; which includes helping people.

Untested, mother approved.

So, I am beginning to worry that I am typing out ignorant thought. In the grand scheme of things, we know nothing but everything is to be revealed. Still, I'd rather be at least on the correct track. Untested thought though is inherently incorrect. Obviously I test it myself to gain some since of direction from known boundaries but the possibilities left still seem limitless.

No point in getting too down on myself though. Even Einstein didn't get it right on the first shot. I wonder how many theories he had before he got into the meat of his research. Or how many times it evolved.

People are incredibly interesting because they are a completely different person. Then to increase this, they also bring this completely different perspective on the world. Expressing apparently simple ideas that revolutionize the most complicated of theories.

What amazes me though, is how accepted it is to believe in untested thoughts wholeheartedly. Even to go as far as to teach these thoughts. Hear is where I begin to fight myself though. Is it the teacher's fault for having untested thought or is it mine for not testing his/her thought? How does the teacher know when the thought is tested enough to teach? Is it "ready" when no one in the crowd knows the thought it wrong? That last question sounds so counter intuitive; thought would only be discussed among people who aren't as far along as the teacher.

The chance to be incorrect must be taken. The feedback on what is said must be efficient and then corrected to whomever was taught? Wouldn't this cause the same topic to be taught and corrected for many cycles? Or should the responsibility again fall on the class attendees to seek the most correct? I am unsure.

Time for my broad "easy" answer: balance. The responsibility is shared. The teacher is supposed to teach the most correct idea possible or the current understanding of humans as of today. Then the responsibility to push the thought forward is the class attendees. This should be the expectation of every person.

Impact

Experiment time. Take an object that has ten kilograms of mass. Lift it to a height of one meter. Then, drop it. The impact that is made is consolidated and strong. Now break that ten kilogram object apart to create ten equal sized one kilogram objects. Take them all to a height of one meter and drop them. The impact as a cumulative whole is the same but now it hits in ten places with one tenth of the impact at each individual place.

Lets abstract this back to people and see how the impact is spread. I am the object. I have ten hours of time to spend. If I spend all ten on one person the impact of that one person is significant. The relationship grows and I invest heavily on that one person. Now lets say that I split my ten hours up between ten different people. Yes I spend time with more different people but the impact is lessened. Do I still have the same cumulative impact? I am beginning to believe that the cumulative impact is lessened because of people's perceptions of worth.

When someone invites me to go spend time with them at nearly any activity, I get excited. I feel valued. Then when I find out that the same blanket message was sent to nine other people, I feel like a number instead of a person. Personally, I normally completely shy away from any activity where I am spending time with someone in a confined time frame of less than one hour. The impact is so small and shallow, I'd rather spend the time alone.

Doubt

To jump right into it, is it possible that everything that is possible happens? In a quantum world, the possibilities happen for sure but do the outcomes of the possibilities happen just in different universes? If so then all things that have happened to me and been coincidental happen in the universe I am in but in others they didn't occur what so ever. I wonder what my views are in those universes...

Things that are impossible however do not happen. Such as a whale falling on my head right now. That is impossible but where is this line drawn between possible and impossible? Is it impossible for something to come from nothing? If so then is the Big Bang impossible? Because if so, even with every possibility happening, I still wouldn't be here.

All that being said, I'm glad I am in the one that I am in. A part of me is sad for the other me-s in other universes. They probably aren't remotely as happy as I am. There is probably another one of me in another universe writing a much more sad blog, wishing he were in another universe.

Sucker.

Affinity

Attraction is an interesting thing. At certain times, you know exactly how you feel and others it seems scattered. But finally I think I have figured out at least a small part of it.

Anyone whom has been in a serious relationship can tell you that the most important part of the attraction is an attraction to who they are as a person and not what they look like. The attraction to their lifestyle, habits, and quirks.

Towards the end of the Dark Ages men found overweight women with pale skin attractive. They were found attractive because this meant that they were well fed (not starving) and had plenty of money (did not have to work outside at all).

Taking this information into account, I am beginning to believe that the majority (not all) of the first "attraction" feelings you feel are actually an affinity for how they live. From how they look you draw this "assumed life" that is what you actually find attractive. Most of the "physical" attractions are actually sparking associations to lifestyle traits or habits that you have an affinity towards.

It isn't the tan that you are attracted to it is the association that the tan has to: time to lay out by the pool or the fact that they are outside a lot. It isn't the clothes that you are attracted to it is the association that the clothes have to: how 'put together' the person is, how much money the person has, or what kind of music they listen to.

All that being said, there is a raw physical attraction to symmetry and other wants such are protection or reproduction. These are basic and small compared to the complex feelings, wants, and needs that are a necessity to a healthy relationship.

Grow up, find out what you want, then that is what becomes attractive instead of what society places importance on.

Afraid or Fascinated?

There has been this interesting relationship that I have noticed lately. When people do not understand something, it either becomes a source of fear or causes infatuation. Depending on which emotion is caused by the unknown also partially determines the period of time that it last. The fear seems to last very long but the fascination is exactly what infatuation is: extravagant short-lived passion. The latter wants to know everything about the unknown but quickly becomes bored with it. The former is afraid and will constantly stay fearful. Either they do not know anything about the unknown or believe things that are extremes or untrue.

For instance: Lions - if I know nothing or little about them besides that they can kill people and they hunt at night, I'd be afraid every night in my parking lot on the way home. Stupid but logical from the limited knowledge viewpoint. It only becomes illogical if you know that lions are not on the same continent but still cause you to be fearful of attack in the parking lot. Better to be fascinated.

Progression

Progression is this oddly satisfying event. Nearly every time that progression occurs in others, work, a long road trip, a roller coaster ride, or even eating a meal the forward progression in and of itself is satisfying. Yes, the actual growth is great. Yes, the people and making money at the job is great also. Yes, seeing what I see on the long trip and finally getting to the destination is great as well. All that being said, the progression alone, just the transition of things from where they were to where they are is satisfying to me.

Now I am unsure if this is a humanly innate desire to have things progress or if it is just myself. If it is a feeling everyone has, why does it always seem to stop short? Just being alive and allowing time to pass is a progression in itself. Shouldn't this inherent happiness also stem from our inherent state of being alive because of this progression? Yes you are alive to spend time with family, spend time with friends, see things truly majestic, improve other people's lives, experience rich and deeply connected emotions, feel the wind, taste the corners of the earth. When all that is stripped away though, there is still this progression of life and time that should help push us along.

Not sure where this is for many people or how to 'tap into it' to let them know. Where were you? Where are you?