Affinity

Attraction is an interesting thing. At certain times, you know exactly how you feel and others it seems scattered. But finally I think I have figured out at least a small part of it.

Anyone whom has been in a serious relationship can tell you that the most important part of the attraction is an attraction to who they are as a person and not what they look like. The attraction to their lifestyle, habits, and quirks.

Towards the end of the Dark Ages men found overweight women with pale skin attractive. They were found attractive because this meant that they were well fed (not starving) and had plenty of money (did not have to work outside at all).

Taking this information into account, I am beginning to believe that the majority (not all) of the first "attraction" feelings you feel are actually an affinity for how they live. From how they look you draw this "assumed life" that is what you actually find attractive. Most of the "physical" attractions are actually sparking associations to lifestyle traits or habits that you have an affinity towards.

It isn't the tan that you are attracted to it is the association that the tan has to: time to lay out by the pool or the fact that they are outside a lot. It isn't the clothes that you are attracted to it is the association that the clothes have to: how 'put together' the person is, how much money the person has, or what kind of music they listen to.

All that being said, there is a raw physical attraction to symmetry and other wants such are protection or reproduction. These are basic and small compared to the complex feelings, wants, and needs that are a necessity to a healthy relationship.

Grow up, find out what you want, then that is what becomes attractive instead of what society places importance on.

Afraid or Fascinated?

There has been this interesting relationship that I have noticed lately. When people do not understand something, it either becomes a source of fear or causes infatuation. Depending on which emotion is caused by the unknown also partially determines the period of time that it last. The fear seems to last very long but the fascination is exactly what infatuation is: extravagant short-lived passion. The latter wants to know everything about the unknown but quickly becomes bored with it. The former is afraid and will constantly stay fearful. Either they do not know anything about the unknown or believe things that are extremes or untrue.

For instance: Lions - if I know nothing or little about them besides that they can kill people and they hunt at night, I'd be afraid every night in my parking lot on the way home. Stupid but logical from the limited knowledge viewpoint. It only becomes illogical if you know that lions are not on the same continent but still cause you to be fearful of attack in the parking lot. Better to be fascinated.

Progression

Progression is this oddly satisfying event. Nearly every time that progression occurs in others, work, a long road trip, a roller coaster ride, or even eating a meal the forward progression in and of itself is satisfying. Yes, the actual growth is great. Yes, the people and making money at the job is great also. Yes, seeing what I see on the long trip and finally getting to the destination is great as well. All that being said, the progression alone, just the transition of things from where they were to where they are is satisfying to me.

Now I am unsure if this is a humanly innate desire to have things progress or if it is just myself. If it is a feeling everyone has, why does it always seem to stop short? Just being alive and allowing time to pass is a progression in itself. Shouldn't this inherent happiness also stem from our inherent state of being alive because of this progression? Yes you are alive to spend time with family, spend time with friends, see things truly majestic, improve other people's lives, experience rich and deeply connected emotions, feel the wind, taste the corners of the earth. When all that is stripped away though, there is still this progression of life and time that should help push us along.

Not sure where this is for many people or how to 'tap into it' to let them know. Where were you? Where are you?

Situational Evidence

Some evidence seems always evident. Almost as if it never changes. Then other evidence seems as if it changes with thoughts and feelings or can not be determined until experienced.

Let's say that I start to not like an activity that I used to enjoy greatly. The activity hasn't changed. The same attributes that were there in the beginning that I found attractive are still there but those attributes are seen in a different light.

The main reason that is leaned on to for a reason to quit is "It just isn't attractive to me any longer." This is not the real reason though. What causes it to become unattractive is the true reason that you want to quit.

The interesting thing here is that when the true reason is identified, it becomes something to be conquered as an obstacle instead of an obligatory feeling that can't be overcome.

Some issues and evidence though can not be determined beforehand because it is situational evidence. The evidence that you are looking for is in experiencing it. "Do I like this food?" I have no idea because I haven't experienced it and no one can tell me if I will or won't enjoy it.

Go experience the evidence of how great everything truly is and find out the real obstacles in your life.

Bad Day Entitlement

This blog has been written and rewritten many times over because I feel so strongly about this that I cannot seem to put it into words.

When a person feels entitlement, then I feel that there is an issue. Entitlement in the sense of that someone feels that that deserve or have the right to something over someone else. Or even that they should have the right to do something because of what someone else has done.

I am coming to figure out that my issue is not with people actually having entitlement it is an acquired entitlement because of the actions of someone else with which I have my issue.

To talk to the 'assuming undeserving' (which is myself at time): we need to gain perspective. No more feelings of entitlement because of what someone has done to us, how bad of a day we have had, or otherwise.

I have seen too many unhealthy relationships where one party makes a mistake and now the other feels entitled to make transgressions now as long as it isn't as bad as what the other did. Example: "Why are you getting mad at me for lying to you when you lied and cheated?" One person's actions should not change your own standards. Comparison between people is one of the worst phenomenon to plague mankind. Comparison should only be between yourself in the past, yourself now, and where you want yourself to be in the future.

Also, when we begin to have a bad day, we feel this sense of entitlement. "Everyone should be nice to us because we are having a bad day." A complete loss of perspective. Even when we are in this 'bad day state' we still impact everything around us. We still are blessed. What? You think not? Your breathing, right?

Drop in a ocean or a tidal wave?

An interesting research topic of mine recently has been Movements in history. Still I cannot seem to pin down a wide ranging cause or catalyst. Some were caused by previous wars that brought entire regions into poverty. Others by a single person who viewed the world differently than it currently was and then many people began to think the same way. Either or any way, Movements appear to happen much more in the past. A part of me is beginning to think that it was because the people at the time had a little sight when it came to the world as a whole. They would only see what was in their town or area. Rarely their country. Even more so, how their country ran compared to others. A person would be born and live and die without meeting anyone from outside of the town in which they were born. So bringing these ideas were nearly always revolutionary. Now the the world is a very global society, we see this information so often that it comes in smaller bits of information instead of all at once. This is slightly frightening to me because we might get to a worse state than people as a whole have gotten to in the past. So instead of seeing the whole cake at once and realizing how bad it is for us, we break it down and take a daily amount of change that is much easier for us to swallow.

I want to be part of a movement.

Dynamite? Seriously?

Time is this interesting value that we attempt to gain more of but must spend it as it is gained. There is no saving or storing of time. It must be use as soon as it is received. So, I must chose to spend more of it blogging instead of just thinking about blogging. I think a thought and say to myself, I'm going to blog about that' and then I don't. When in the past I had trouble getting thoughts out of my head; now it seem almost as if just the thought of blogging about it gets it out of my head. Posting it on the blog in my mind. A mental state of letting go. Since I am here and have thoughts I decided to write.

Perception, assumption, and then expectation. This is my cycle. How I survive day to day with in the laws that the world is given by. But daily I am reminded to not apply this structure to people. One of the ways I am reminded is because someone does it to me. Overall, I'm a nice guy. Sometimes too nice for my own good and the good of my dating life. So that is what others perceive me as. Then they assume that it applies to all times and to all people. Then they expect it.

I decide little on the spot or at the moment unless the situation is dire and requires it. Normally I come to a realization that I do not really enjoy spending time around someone when I am in a time of reflection on my own. An example is a person that I do not like being around because of how their humor is demeaning. Poking fun is ok because it is light hearted and a one time thing but when a person's entire form of communication is this way it becomes tiresome.

Then a time comes when this person continues this 'humor' with me after I have already decided previously that I don't enjoy their company and I give them the cold shoulder. Then they completely shut down and say that I'm being mean. Really? That is a little overkill, yes? Like dynamite to open a stuck lid on a jar of strawberry jam. Really? You waste whatever chance you had at tasting the jelly (my friendship) when you over reacted with dynamite.

'Taking a break' is for the unhappy. Allowing yourself the choice to go back and to change what has happened is unhealthy and makes you unhappy. It is far better to write down your reasoning for doing something and then move on. If you ever start to fall into the 'grass is greener' trap just go look but at your reasoning for leaving. You will not attempt to reopen the option after you remember the many many reason you made the change in the first place.

Someone called me a PC the other day. Yes this person is an intellectual (extreme geek). I asked, 'why?' "Well others are very specified and are good at what they do. Like a Mac. But you, do everything alright but are horrible at drawing pretty pictures." they replied. In disbelief my feeling resulted to defensive and I exclaimed, "I can draw things well! I just need to look at them and break it down into smaller, repeatable sections." Promptly they replied, "Exactly."