Needs

"We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders." Maya Angelou presents me with yet another issue in this quote that I wrestle with today. Sometimes people hurt, fail expectations, break trust, commit horrible atrocities, or even just toss what standards they have for themselves aside for a small gain. Let me start by saying that I know I have and continue to trespass on friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances. I just lose faith in people because they say one thing and then do another. This is because they feel "comfortable" with me. Makes me want to withdraw from everyone because I get the feeling that 90% of them are doing the same. Waiting for the right time to "relax around me" and show me their true colors.

If you are red, then present yourself as red. Even if red is my least favorite color, we will still be friends and there is so much I can learn from you and about you. Things that deal with your red color and things that don't. Perhaps I will even find out how much beauty red involves. The thing is that when you come to me acting all green all the time. Then one day you tell me you are red, and there is nothing wrong with red itself because we are all individuals, I realize that you have been lying to everyone, to me, and possibly to yourself also. I don't even know "you". I know green and a fake green at that.

So, I want to retreat and back away from all people but then I get smacked in the face by Maya Angelou and I continue to try and build these relationships without reserve. Knowing full well that the majority of the people I come in contact with are not the color that they present. Setting myself up for the fall because one day, I will find another person who presents their true colors from the beginning and we can have a meaningful relationship. Every hurt from falling from another fake color is worth finding the next true relationship in life. Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely.