Making the case for the good guy.

It is a known fact that the average woman matures faster than the average man. One book even says, "They [Women] mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults." This is true to a point. The point that I see this ending at is in what women look for in a man. At this point, women need to grow up.

I do not mean to make enemies here with any woman, the Lord knows not to do something as foolish as that. This is just an observation that I hope does not come across in a mean or insensitive way.

90% of the women that I have met in my entire life do not know what they want in a man. Even the ones that have big lists of what they want in a man, still have no idea. The most common point is the split between wanting the 'bad boy' or the 'good guy'. Women grow up thinking that they want to feel sexy and the bad boy provides that for them. There is a huge difference between wanting to be sexy and wanting to be desired. Desired is a healthy and stronger feeling that comes as a sort of package deal with being truly loved. Why wouldn't a woman want to be desired fully by one man that have a few temporary looks from a few boys?

I have a hard time understanding this. If there is a guy who can please you sexually but not emotionally, mentally, or spiritually then why would you want him? Do you think that the man who can please you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually can't please you sexually? I assure you that he can, but even if he couldn't, would you still choose the former over the latter? I am not sure why I even posed that question because it is irrelevant. The man that has a true love for you will be a 'good guy' and that love will be so intense that there is no way that any part of you won't be pleased.

So, to me, choosing the 'bad boy' is like going on a world tour and only going to see the world's largest ball of twine. It isn't even worth the trip. I mean, you get up every day, put in a quarter, and get a short thrill of, "I am staying at the world's largest ball of twine." But you will never feel the spiritual depth of seeing the grand canyon. You will never be moved by the emotional intensity of the aurora borealis. You will never feel as sought after and cherished as a lion does his kill. You will never be able to enjoy the complexities of mental stretching and strengthening of your dinner table talks.

Why would you ever choose the 'bad boy'? I do not know. Even some women I know that are in their mid 30s still feel like they are "settling" or "lowering their standards" to date a 'good guy'. Grow up and realize that a relationship with a good man is the only relationship you would ever want and can experience anything worth while in.

Time Spent

Sometimes I want to start my own colony. I got that crazy idea from a song but the longer I live, it sounds more and more inviting. Our culture gets my head so cloudy that sometimes I can't see the traffic but I can here it. Then, SPLAT. I either hit someone or someone hits me and the pieces go flying in all directions. Our culture keeps us in a constant medicated state of busyness. Just enough for us to feel needed and not invest in the real need of connection. Going back to a few posts ago when I talked about how time is important, I want to take that thought in a different direction. Time is valuable and it can be a gift. Honestly, I am beginning that think that it might be the most valuable thing a person has in their control. You could decide to die for something or decide to live for something but either way it is a choice to devote that time to a cause or for a reason. So, when a person decides to do anything instead of investing in a person to build a connection, I struggle to understand their reasoning. That is OK though because they are their minutes and they decide what to do with them. The majority of people do not really see it this way and will argue that it is much more complicated but I do not think that it is. Whether subconsciously or consciously, the decision is made. So because this is a resource which has been given to you, in limited resource, to use as you wish; spend it well.

Needs

"We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders." Maya Angelou presents me with yet another issue in this quote that I wrestle with today. Sometimes people hurt, fail expectations, break trust, commit horrible atrocities, or even just toss what standards they have for themselves aside for a small gain. Let me start by saying that I know I have and continue to trespass on friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances. I just lose faith in people because they say one thing and then do another. This is because they feel "comfortable" with me. Makes me want to withdraw from everyone because I get the feeling that 90% of them are doing the same. Waiting for the right time to "relax around me" and show me their true colors.

If you are red, then present yourself as red. Even if red is my least favorite color, we will still be friends and there is so much I can learn from you and about you. Things that deal with your red color and things that don't. Perhaps I will even find out how much beauty red involves. The thing is that when you come to me acting all green all the time. Then one day you tell me you are red, and there is nothing wrong with red itself because we are all individuals, I realize that you have been lying to everyone, to me, and possibly to yourself also. I don't even know "you". I know green and a fake green at that.

So, I want to retreat and back away from all people but then I get smacked in the face by Maya Angelou and I continue to try and build these relationships without reserve. Knowing full well that the majority of the people I come in contact with are not the color that they present. Setting myself up for the fall because one day, I will find another person who presents their true colors from the beginning and we can have a meaningful relationship. Every hurt from falling from another fake color is worth finding the next true relationship in life. Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely.