Affinity

Attraction is an interesting thing. At certain times, you know exactly how you feel and others it seems scattered. But finally I think I have figured out at least a small part of it.

Anyone whom has been in a serious relationship can tell you that the most important part of the attraction is an attraction to who they are as a person and not what they look like. The attraction to their lifestyle, habits, and quirks.

Towards the end of the Dark Ages men found overweight women with pale skin attractive. They were found attractive because this meant that they were well fed (not starving) and had plenty of money (did not have to work outside at all).

Taking this information into account, I am beginning to believe that the majority (not all) of the first "attraction" feelings you feel are actually an affinity for how they live. From how they look you draw this "assumed life" that is what you actually find attractive. Most of the "physical" attractions are actually sparking associations to lifestyle traits or habits that you have an affinity towards.

It isn't the tan that you are attracted to it is the association that the tan has to: time to lay out by the pool or the fact that they are outside a lot. It isn't the clothes that you are attracted to it is the association that the clothes have to: how 'put together' the person is, how much money the person has, or what kind of music they listen to.

All that being said, there is a raw physical attraction to symmetry and other wants such are protection or reproduction. These are basic and small compared to the complex feelings, wants, and needs that are a necessity to a healthy relationship.

Grow up, find out what you want, then that is what becomes attractive instead of what society places importance on.

Afraid or Fascinated?

There has been this interesting relationship that I have noticed lately. When people do not understand something, it either becomes a source of fear or causes infatuation. Depending on which emotion is caused by the unknown also partially determines the period of time that it last. The fear seems to last very long but the fascination is exactly what infatuation is: extravagant short-lived passion. The latter wants to know everything about the unknown but quickly becomes bored with it. The former is afraid and will constantly stay fearful. Either they do not know anything about the unknown or believe things that are extremes or untrue.

For instance: Lions - if I know nothing or little about them besides that they can kill people and they hunt at night, I'd be afraid every night in my parking lot on the way home. Stupid but logical from the limited knowledge viewpoint. It only becomes illogical if you know that lions are not on the same continent but still cause you to be fearful of attack in the parking lot. Better to be fascinated.