Listening

is hard. Not because I am uninterested. Nearly every time that someone is talking about a subject that I know little/nothing about I am all ears. The major issue for me is when I have made a decision about something and someone questions it.
Let's start by saying that the decision is between right and left. I have chosen left and am in the process of following through with that. Then a friend realizes this and questions it. They begin to talk about simple thoughts that make a case for right. This is where I have trouble listening. I thought about exactly what they are saying when I was making my decision. Sometimes it is even a very obvious argument for right and I am almost insulted that they would think that I would make a decision without considering that argument first. So I am tempted to cut them off and say that I have already thought about that. Then they move onto the next argument that I have already thought about.
I don't cut them off though because of two reasons. First, when approaching an issue I start simple, so I cannot blame them for doing the same. Second, I can not tell you how many times that I have gotten great knowledge out of an unexpected place about an unexpected topic by listening to what seemed otherwise a worthless waste of breath.
This is why I have such a large problem with people considering others not intelligent enough to speak in front of people or cut people off before their thought is finished. Yes statistically the odds of some great nugget of wisdom to come out of a certain situation may be minuscule but because of the infinitely large variable of another human being outside of yourself; it is completely in the realm of possibility. So listen anyways.

Thursdays and People

It would seem that Thursday is the day of the week where I can't take not blogging any longer. I am struggling with a balance. (Surprise right?) A balance between being who I feel like I am and doing what I feel is the most correct logically. In my recent past I do not remember being on the opposite side from logic. I am an introvert. So it is draining at times to be around people. Also, I regain my energy by having my alone time where I can think things out at my own pace without distractions.
Where I am tore is between: continuing to continually reach out to nearly everyone or to only invest my time and energy into people I feel is 'worth' both.
I have many problems with the latter. Namely: assigning who is 'worthy', giving up on people, and going against who I feel I am wired to be. The reason for the first is obvious. The second deals with my past and how I had people who didn't give up on me and that is part of why I am who I am today. The third is a self reflection saying nearly exactly what the second. I feel like I am the way I am because I am wired like this, from my core. I believe that is it a good thing also. I refuse to be 'ruined' by the world and lose this feature. Also, I begin the 'what ifs'. What if that person is like me when I just needed one person to talk to me to completely change where my mind is going. What if that person is just like how I am about to come and I could find a great friend if I give them a chance?
What I am about to become like is not the exact opposite but a balance where I learn to let go of people. Logically this makes more sense and I feel stupid for not being this way currently. Hence why the change is near. At least 80% of the time I spend out with 'friends' is solicited by me. Besides maybe 7 people in my life, I am always the one calling and instigating the time we will attempt to spend time together. Even if they call me their friend, they still don't call me. Even typing this now I become frustrated with myself for not changing this sooner. I am done giving infinite chances to people who show no response. If they show that they have taken a step then I will not hesitate to respond. For some reason it makes complete sense to me that I should not invest my time and energy into someone who doesn't do the same for me.

Hope, continued...

The past 24 hours have brought me to find the word 'hope' to be in a very interesting and great place. I think I like it because it is the balancing factor in many other words. But hope is more than just what I went over in my last post.

-Hoping is not waiting. (Read my last post)

-Hoping is not expecting. Almost a humble form of expecting. Expecting in the sense of a sort of entitlement to a returned value.

-Hoping is not warranted. At times, there is no reason to hope than because it is the only thing that can be done.

-Hoping is not wishing. Almost a type of preparation or action is needed.

Hope and wait. Do I mean 'or'?

As of late I have beginning to realize how different hoping and waiting are from each other. If I crash land on an island, what is the first thing I do? I put a message in a bottle hoping that the currents take it to a put where someone can get it and then come get me, of course...(not really) but then what next? Do I sit and wait for that person to come OR do I hope someone finds it and go start building my shelter? I think that so many people send something out there to someone, some job, some lottery, or something else and then wait. They put their life on hold for that one thing to return. I am beginning to feel that unless you are throwing feathers at the wind, then waiting is worthless. What if it never returns or if you miss much more valuable things while you are waiting. In the case of me on the island, what if I die waiting? (Now, to catch all the thoughts that are running in the opposite direction before they become extreme.)
I am not saying that I do not look forward to things. I definitely hope that someone finds the bottle and then ultimately finds me soon after. I even become excited when that thing does return or produces fruit. In the meantime though, I will not sit and wait. There are other things that are to be done.
If you have read my past posts about time and such then this next section will not come of any surprise to you. Since time is relative, to some people is seems slower and to others it seems faster. This even fluctuates throughout your life or even throughout the day. The majority of the days when I am thinking about a lot of things seem to be 48 hours long. Time seems to slow down. This is compounded when I am waiting in anticipation of something. This is where the saying, "slower than Christmas" comes from. To continue with my analogy, not only would I not get anything done, but it would seem longer for me to be rescued. Perhaps I might even go insane, because I have begun to feel this effect when waiting on a girl I liked to call me back. =p
So throw the bottle out and hope for a response. When you get that response, it could be the highlight of your day or week or life. The importance of that moment is not diminished what-so-ever by hoping instead of waiting.