Bad Day Entitlement

This blog has been written and rewritten many times over because I feel so strongly about this that I cannot seem to put it into words.

When a person feels entitlement, then I feel that there is an issue. Entitlement in the sense of that someone feels that that deserve or have the right to something over someone else. Or even that they should have the right to do something because of what someone else has done.

I am coming to figure out that my issue is not with people actually having entitlement it is an acquired entitlement because of the actions of someone else with which I have my issue.

To talk to the 'assuming undeserving' (which is myself at time): we need to gain perspective. No more feelings of entitlement because of what someone has done to us, how bad of a day we have had, or otherwise.

I have seen too many unhealthy relationships where one party makes a mistake and now the other feels entitled to make transgressions now as long as it isn't as bad as what the other did. Example: "Why are you getting mad at me for lying to you when you lied and cheated?" One person's actions should not change your own standards. Comparison between people is one of the worst phenomenon to plague mankind. Comparison should only be between yourself in the past, yourself now, and where you want yourself to be in the future.

Also, when we begin to have a bad day, we feel this sense of entitlement. "Everyone should be nice to us because we are having a bad day." A complete loss of perspective. Even when we are in this 'bad day state' we still impact everything around us. We still are blessed. What? You think not? Your breathing, right?

Drop in a ocean or a tidal wave?

An interesting research topic of mine recently has been Movements in history. Still I cannot seem to pin down a wide ranging cause or catalyst. Some were caused by previous wars that brought entire regions into poverty. Others by a single person who viewed the world differently than it currently was and then many people began to think the same way. Either or any way, Movements appear to happen much more in the past. A part of me is beginning to think that it was because the people at the time had a little sight when it came to the world as a whole. They would only see what was in their town or area. Rarely their country. Even more so, how their country ran compared to others. A person would be born and live and die without meeting anyone from outside of the town in which they were born. So bringing these ideas were nearly always revolutionary. Now the the world is a very global society, we see this information so often that it comes in smaller bits of information instead of all at once. This is slightly frightening to me because we might get to a worse state than people as a whole have gotten to in the past. So instead of seeing the whole cake at once and realizing how bad it is for us, we break it down and take a daily amount of change that is much easier for us to swallow.

I want to be part of a movement.

Dynamite? Seriously?

Time is this interesting value that we attempt to gain more of but must spend it as it is gained. There is no saving or storing of time. It must be use as soon as it is received. So, I must chose to spend more of it blogging instead of just thinking about blogging. I think a thought and say to myself, I'm going to blog about that' and then I don't. When in the past I had trouble getting thoughts out of my head; now it seem almost as if just the thought of blogging about it gets it out of my head. Posting it on the blog in my mind. A mental state of letting go. Since I am here and have thoughts I decided to write.

Perception, assumption, and then expectation. This is my cycle. How I survive day to day with in the laws that the world is given by. But daily I am reminded to not apply this structure to people. One of the ways I am reminded is because someone does it to me. Overall, I'm a nice guy. Sometimes too nice for my own good and the good of my dating life. So that is what others perceive me as. Then they assume that it applies to all times and to all people. Then they expect it.

I decide little on the spot or at the moment unless the situation is dire and requires it. Normally I come to a realization that I do not really enjoy spending time around someone when I am in a time of reflection on my own. An example is a person that I do not like being around because of how their humor is demeaning. Poking fun is ok because it is light hearted and a one time thing but when a person's entire form of communication is this way it becomes tiresome.

Then a time comes when this person continues this 'humor' with me after I have already decided previously that I don't enjoy their company and I give them the cold shoulder. Then they completely shut down and say that I'm being mean. Really? That is a little overkill, yes? Like dynamite to open a stuck lid on a jar of strawberry jam. Really? You waste whatever chance you had at tasting the jelly (my friendship) when you over reacted with dynamite.

'Taking a break' is for the unhappy. Allowing yourself the choice to go back and to change what has happened is unhealthy and makes you unhappy. It is far better to write down your reasoning for doing something and then move on. If you ever start to fall into the 'grass is greener' trap just go look but at your reasoning for leaving. You will not attempt to reopen the option after you remember the many many reason you made the change in the first place.

Someone called me a PC the other day. Yes this person is an intellectual (extreme geek). I asked, 'why?' "Well others are very specified and are good at what they do. Like a Mac. But you, do everything alright but are horrible at drawing pretty pictures." they replied. In disbelief my feeling resulted to defensive and I exclaimed, "I can draw things well! I just need to look at them and break it down into smaller, repeatable sections." Promptly they replied, "Exactly."

Finishing the Year Strong

This is the first post from my new apartment. Actually this is the first post ever from my place of residence. I have until now been at a friend's place or gotten into the office early just to be able to write. So in honor of that and to end the year strong I have five quick thoughts that have been stirring in my head.

No movement without resistance? The TV show 'The Magic School Bus' had an episode that got me excited about physics at an early age. This episode had the kids and the bus in a 'frictionless' pinball machine bouncing around indefinitely. Scary and exciting all at the same time.... Alright back to the present.
In the world though, there is no movement without friction. [Caveat: When certain things get near absolute zero the electrons in them technically 'blur' into the Bose-Einstein state causing electricity to travel through with no friction. But this is 4.3 degrees Celsius or something above absolute zero. A extremely rare and highly unlikely state.] Well, I should say, "In the world though, nearly everything that moves causes friction."
Why then do we get so discouraged when we attempt to change something in our life (make a 'move') and feel friction? What do we expect; to glide along into it effortlessly? Friction is a natural reaction to change. Do not be discouraged or surprised when it happens. Continue on. This does be the question though. Where do we get this expectation of automatic occurrence?

Attacking infinites. Have you heard the argument that 'it always gets worse before it gets better'? Well as I perfectly demonstrated in the last point that an thought that contains an infinite, even a discrete one, is nearly impossible to argue into the end zone of correctness. This common saying proves my point. When an infinite is placed on one end of an argument the opposite must be placed on the other. So, if is 'always gets worse before it gets better' then it 'never gets better'. Since I have seen things get better then obviously this is incorrect. Infinites bug me. Especially how we use them so much to describe things that are not.

Day significance. I have spent so many days in my life completely by myself. Either immersed in a book, surrounded by nature, lost in thought. I was by myself without thinking twice about it. Then when I am alone on Christmas it affects me in the most unexpected ways. Is this minute any different that the minutes in the past? I am a different person but is my state the same? Is my environment the same? The day is the difference and this difference causes emotions. It was weird to me at first. Then I started to think, 'What would I do any other day that I am alone?' Read, write, watch TV, jog, think, game. After doing these the day still had significance and still caused these emotions. Think it was the bad TV shows or something more?

Matching volume, sound for sound. One of the great speakers that I have the privilege to listen to did the most incredible thing the other day. The talk went for more than an hour. Then a video break occurred. The crowd couldn't gather back its focus. Small conversations were popping up every where. People started rustling their purses and umbrellas in preparation of their departure. I was doing it too. He was speaking into a microphone. So, I could still hear him and so could everyone else. I mean why not?
Then he did it. He paused for a moment and then began to talk very softly. Instantly the rustling stopped. The conversations halted. The silence was incredible. I believe a baby even stopped bellowing its demon evoking screeches.
I have never seen this approach before, especially in public speaking. Talking softer so that people can hear you better. I believe that there are two other paths here. He could have attacked it directly and said, "Please pay attention to me for five more minutes." Or he could have tried to beat us at our own game and just gotten louder and louder. These are the two approaches I have seen many times. Neither of which seem to work very well.
Take this as deep down the fox hole as you wish. Personally I am taking it down a long philosophy hole that seems to apply to economics, war, approach, and communication on its basic levels. Maybe the best approach is the opposite because it causes the same reaction as your action?

Good thing... bad thing... both? Events in my life seem so dynamic. For instance, moving into this apartment. Right now it seems like the right thing to do. But let us just say that in a week a place crashes into my bedroom as I am sleeping at night. Well then we all see that it was a bad thing to do. Hence the saying, "Hindsight is 20/20".
Jumping back to a previous post about how 'looking is seeing', keeping an open eye to the world to see these decisions or things is important. Seeing these decisions or things is the first step.
The second step is determining if the decision or thing is 'bad' or 'good'. I take comfort in my decisions because I trust myself. I trust that I made the best choice that I could with the information that I had at the time. So this becomes a non-issue.
The "Hindsight is 20/20" saying is so great because there is so much truth in it but I still think not enough. What if after the plane crash killed me a little kid needed my heart and it was still usable. The kid gets it and has a long and fulfilling life? Now it was a good choice again? Perhaps the saying should go more like, "Nothing is ever 20/20". I think that things don't just switch one time but are instead constantly teetering between the two. Switching back and forth at a moments notice, without notice. Sometimes even seemingly without cause. Being prepared and open to this change is the third and most important step. These changes will occur without your consent or control. Kind of upset? Seek balance and that too will change.

Same world, Different universe.

There happens to be three blogs that I have thought through completely but haven't had time to write them down. They are all good so get excited. The first that I post (below) is the last that I thought of but since it is context sensitive it will be posted first.

As of late there have been some things that have happened in the world that have kind of shocked me. Shocked me because my culture is different. Personally I can't imagine an assassination attempt on one presidential candidate and an actual successful assassination on another withing the same week. Even in the same decade. Is it because of some specific reason involved in culture culture? Possibly because murder of a public figure is much more looked down upon than murder for selfish reasons or in a fit of rage? Maybe because 'civic unrest' is much more feared and in turn the 'structure/order of society' is much more protected? Honestly I do not know. It could be because of culture. It could be because of the state of a society.

Sometimes things happen that are so outside of my experiences and mentality that it is hard for me to understand. It seems like an entirely different universe. Then, I remember that we are all in the same world. So, here I am trying to figure it out and understand. If you beat me to it, let me in on the secret.

Looking is seeing.

I heard a long time ago that "perception is everything." I have never argued this. Perception can change completely what happens to you. The two ways that I have applied this in the past have been in the modification of what is seen or experienced and the translation of what is seen or experienced.

Modification of what is seen or experienced:
This is what the US court system runs into daily. There are three eye witnesses to a carjacking. One person sees the car as being red, one sees it as blue, and still the other sees green.
Translation of what is seen or experienced:
This is how someone takes of handles a situation. If someone criticizes me: I can take is negatively, get upset, and debate giving up or I can take it as a tip, get happy that they care enough to criticize me, and become motivated to do better. The experience has not changed at all but the outcome can be extremely different.

So, for a long time these were the only two 'abilities of perception' I lumped together. Just yesterday though, I realized yet another to add to this.
Selective Seeing of what is seen or experienced.
Many years ago I realized that I started to see more of something when I began looking for it. For instance, I want to buy a certain kind of car. All of a sudden I start to see this car everywhere I go. Makes me wonder what I miss because I am not looking for it. Should I see it if I am not looking for it though? Is it a automatic defense system to not allow certain things to happen or be seen until I am ready and looking?
This last thing is the most intriguing to me out of the three. Mostly because it seems to be at the top of the ladder; the first filter.
The new thing is that I have never included this last one into the big bucket of 'perception'. Now it effects what is seen, the attributes of what is seen, and then how it is seen. Pretty insane how different the world could be after these three filters.

Dancing with people

Some of my friends have never enjoyed dancing. Now that I really sit and think about it, I have a few that I have never seen dance. One of the things that I have said in the past to try and convince someone to dance is, "what makes you good is that you are out there (on the dance floor)." Obviously there are different levels of coordination but when it comes to what 'dance' is, just go for it. Dance = excited movement that is compelled by a larger source. For instance: "the boats danced on the waves as the storm rolled through". Or, "he danced". Being compelled to make movements by an emotion. I see this as being one of the best forms of communication to show who you are. this is clearly visible in small children. Some wobble, some bounce, and some just clap. All show their true emotion naturally funneled into physical movements; not confined by certain dance steps. [To cover the professional dancers tat read this, small chance that any read this but just in case, I am not saying that dances to steps cannot have emotion because they can.]

In my life I find myself dancing this very choreographed dance with people. This dance of relationship involves tempering myself and 'looking cool' in order to keep them dancing with me. At times I even tire solely at the thought of having to do this dance. When this occurs, I don't even get onto the dance floor. Sometimes I tell myself to dance my dance, the type of dance that I would when I was a little kid and completely be myself. Then everyone gets scared and stops dancing besides my two best friends that I have been on the floor with since 5th grade. I don't want to temper myself because I feel like I am not being truly me, but also at the same time these fine tuned movements are part of my growth. Not only in knowing the steps but the physical ability to perform them. Where does growth in this arena of relationships begin? Where do you begin to lose yourself and start to handle people instead of connect with them? I do not know either. What I do know is that I like the way I dance.

See you out on the floor.