Cause and Effect

Now my hours at work have changed to 8am to 5pm. It is much harder for me to get into the office 30 minutes early. I thought that I would just need to adjust to the time change but it has been harder than first suspected. Part is because of lifestyle, part personality, and finally because of how dark it is when I attempt to get up now. My thoughts have had a hard time keeping up with my feelings but much less understanding them.
One thing has slapped me hard many times over the past two weeks. Communication is completely different for nearly everyone. But certain approaches can be taken to address a group but you can't speak personally to a large group. I find it particularly hard to get across a point to someone with a childish mind. Some arguments are nearly impossible to explain in a childish way because part of the experience/information is in the explanation. It is like a child eating baby food because they have no teeth. Even if you made a steak flavored baby food, they still wouldn't get the full experience of it because so much is in the experience of eating the food. So, to get my certain points across to certain people I have to set up a childish consequence or punishment for them to even question it. Nearly a 'hot stove' test so they learn that it is bad. Sometimes I think the only way to teach them is to let them learn.
The group I go to trivia with captured first place for the second week in a row last night. It is an incredibly good feeling to win at something. Even more so when that winning includes getting free food. Being tested in this way also creates a longing with in me to know more. Simply proving the 'reward what you want repeated' mantra.
[Last tangent I promise.] I read yesterday that some scientists think that dark matter doesn't exist. (Go read up on what dark matter is or what we think it is.) The funny thing it that since we can't measure it, Quantum physics states that it isn't there. Or is it everywhere? Tricky, tricky.
Hopefully I will have time to write more soon.

Long time, no chance.

Having no internet at home and very busy work means that my blogs do not get updated as much as I wish. Nearly everything in my life is context dependent; in many different ways. For instance a day can be good or bad. This can change depending on the days surrounding it. Also, a day can be determined by how I enter the day mentally. A large part of this 'good' mindset is perspective. If I continually look short term or what is happening in my immediate surroundings then I will be very unhappy. This is why the painter steps back to get the full project into view. To not forget the meaning of the laborious and repetitive brush stroke.

a blogging spree

Many things have come up lately that I either do not want to forget or can't forget. So, those things/thoughts/emotions end up here. This one is to remind me to never forget that my values on work/life balance are correct and important. Yesterday I heard a little kid say, "Mommy, is Daddy going to be home?" Then the mom replying, "No honey. I'm sorry. He won't." What can you seriously be earning that is more important than being home when your kid gets in from karate practice?

Monopoly

is a good game but I hate it. One, it takes too long; I have yet to fully finish a game in my life. Secondly, 'Chance' throws a huge wrench in this otherwise fun intellectual challenge. Not the chance that is involved in throwing the dice, which I have conceded is a necessary evil. What I am talking about is any layer of Chance that is stacked onto of that chance of rolling the dice. In Monopoly, there is a location called 'Chance' that can either throw you in jail, take all of your properties, and make you play the rest of the game fully unclothed OR you gain so many hotels on properties that anyone who lands on them goes bankrupt until they go around the board and land on them again. Even still, no one can win. With two good players playing, the board becomes split in half with hotels on all lots and these two will continue rolling into the night until one passes out.
Hence why I do not enjoy the game called 'Life' (irony abounds) because it is pretty much all Chance with a few choices thrown in at the very beginning to get you suckered into playing.
Chance is such an interesting phenomenon. Like gravity, we have a name for it and know attributes of it but cannot explain why it happens. One of the attributes that we interestingly know about it is that it is random. Which doesn't help me much in anticipating it. To me it is two doors that appear out of thin air that cause extremes in emotion. I am either allowed to walk through one door and have extreme happiness, I am forced through the other door to extreme sadness, or I run away from both and end up wondering 'what could have been'. So here I am living my happy life and then out of seemingly no where; Chance happens. Throwing my living into these emotions which are so intense that I feel physically tired. One time though, I will be able to walk through that good door and all will be right.

Oxytocin

There are many things in the brain that cause one to feel attraction and connection with someone else. Oxytocin [Ox-ee-toe-son] is the protein currently deemed to be responsible for love. This is suppose to take a while to get to but then when it does start to be produced, it causes a constant sense of contentment. Still though, I refuse to believe that love ends there. It must go deeper. Even outside of experiences with other people.
For instance, I love this moment I had a little bit ago. In the park, laying on my back, my hat tipped down to block the sun, the breeze coming and cooling me down;giving me chills. Then the sun coming back to warm me up again. The smell of the grass and the sound of the leaves rustling. Just a fleeting moment.
The interesting thing here that isn't immediately obvious, is that we only speak of the 'love that could have been' unless it is a person and not a moment. If I had missed out on the day at the park, I would have been upset but I had no idea that it would be as good as it turned out to be. Then, if a person gets away that I feel would be perfect except for the situational reasons that kept us apart, then I am literally heartbroken even though the relationship didn't get past 'hello.' Now, off to work and intermittent with day dreaming of the park it get me through.

Rays in space

Lately most of my thoughts have seemed like mathematical rays. A starting point and then a though train that has a direction. This alone is not a bad thing. It is the fact that the train has no end or conclusion that is tiring. To be candid, the only thing more comforting than a good back scratch is a conclusion to something. The realization that the situation you endured to reach that conclusion should not have to be endured again. And if for some reason it is one of those horrible things that happens multiple times, it'll be better the second time around. So right now I am partly worried that the events that kicked off the previous thought trains will happen again and again I will not be prepared and not know what to do. That is part of the fun though. Some of the best things in life happen when you are 'wingin' it.
Live is like solving a rubik's cube. I say that because one is on my desk right now. A while back I learned one of the full proof ways of solving it. Then I got bored with it. In that research though, I learned that there are many ways to solve it. The faster ways are not full proof, require much thought, and some risk. The full proof way takes much longer but always completes it without error. We all approach life different. Some of us get to the end of the thought ray one way and others in another. Some never get there for one reason or another. In the last post I talked about enjoying the ride and everything that is happening then. This morning though I say to also enjoy how you personally solve the puzzle of life.

Point A to B

So this past weekend I drove out of town to see my friend. I was just trying to get from point A to point B safely and swiftly. On the way there, I crested a hill and there were emergency vehicles and brake lights instantly. Luckily we didn't stop completely. We slowed and then realized that the reason for the slow was actually on the highway going in the opposite direction. A tractor trailer/18wheeler/transport truck had lost control, gone through a guardrail, turned on its side, and then struck a vehicle that was on the on ramp attempting to get onto the highway.
This obviously makes you automatically think about if it had happened to you. Always convincing yourself that you would have the presence of mind at the time to avoid the truck and be OK. I do not know about you, but I always over estimate my abilities when thinking about something in the future. Things never go as good as they did when I envisioned it. Not saying that this positive thinking still didn't have a positive impact of the situation though. So all is not a loss on that thought train.
I arrived safely. The weekend was incredibly restoring. It is always refreshing to be around a great friend where drama ceases to exist. We just connect. I could continue on this for more days than I was there for but lets get talking about the way back so I can start work.
On the way back I was continuing in my normal fashion. Listening to my and old music. Stopping only for gas, once. Then I crest a hill like on the way there to break lights. Again we begin to flow instantly again. No so much for the other side. One black SUV had stalled out in one of the two available lanes. Apparently he did not find it necessary to move his vehicle out of the way and off to the side. He was sitting leaning back in his SUV with a window down and his foot out the window. He was doing all of this as people were driving in the median to get around him. As I continued on, I realized just how far the traffic was backing up all because of this one person. Miles. Then when I reached the end of the backup, people were going 70mph and then having to come to a complete stop within 100 feet. Tires were smoking and people were weaving into the shoulders to avoid hitting the people in front of them. So I tried to flash my lights to the other side to hopefully make them thank that there was a police officer and slow down.
This whole incident got my brain going a thousand miles per hour. 1) Did that guy think is was important enough to ruin so many peoples days and even risk injury to them? 2) Was the guy just stupid? 3) I feel bad for all the people stopped. 4) I feel scared for all the people that are about to have to slam on there brakes; especially the tractor trailer/18wheeler/transport trucks. 5) I realize that the people who have already hit the traffic have had their day ruined. 6) What if a person dies while trying to stop when they encounter the traffic? Will the stalled car in front be held responsible? Or will he never even know? 7) I realize that I am just like the people who are about to have to stop. Just trying to get from point A to B without a surprise just over the crest on this hill that will possibly change my life forever in a negative way.
I feel like I am constantly in the state of trying to just get from point A to B. If something forces me to slow down or I get in a full on wreck; I am not happy. But when I see it happen to other people while I am still doing forward at speed and in tact, then I begin to realize. I am always at point ME. Where ever I am is my current point and I should enjoy that. Someone once said to me, "Life is about getting to death alive. Enjoy the ride." Maybe I should shrink that down to every day life. Enjoy where I am simply because it is where I am. This doesn't mean I do not look forward to things. It just means that I don't forget to actually pay attention while on the ride.